WINDOWS of REFLECTION

Simple Poems to Make You Look Within and Beyond

This is not just poetry. The book really has no beginning, middle or end.

Windows of Reflection: is in fact a journey; one which walks you through the deepest thoughts of your heart, the farthest reaches of your imagination, across the tenderness of your love and the nakedness of your soul.

The author, Tasneem Kagalwalla does not use complicated words and winding verses, instead speaks intimately, opening up along its way many windows of introspection.

In its simplicity, lies its beauty.

Along with the written word, this book is also a visual treat. Photographer, Maisam Darwish communicates skillfully with her lens; making her black and white images a marvel to unravel.

Come; if only to discover and delight in the depths of your soul.

www.windowsofreflection.com  

Foreword — Windows of Reflection

By Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Here’s what she had to say….

As a clinical psychologist I am privileged to help many individuals and families heal from their past and create new stories of courage, reflection and insight. I believe that it is when we explore our inner worlds and gain self-awareness that we are afforded a new perspective on our lives and through this, the possibility for change and freedom.

This insightfully and articulately written collection of poems, Windows of Reflection is an invitation to go deep within yourself and discover all the parts that were ignored, denied or abandoned in the process of growing up and being conditioned in culture. Tasneem’s ability to use different emotions etched with simplicity allows you to enter a still and quiet state of contemplation through which you will eventually emerge — if you allow yourself — into a more quintessential “you.”

Our relationships with hurt and pain are often skewed. Hurt or pain is viewed as an intrinsic failure of the self, certainly of the other and definitely of life. But hurt and pain need to be redefined. Its entry, its presence and its ability to transform the self is phenomenally outstanding. I believe there is nothing more pivotal in the journey of conscious living than the understanding, integration and evolution of hurt and pain.

Tasneem beautifully depicts how pain can in fact be used as a vehicle of growth. As it turns out then, hurt is not something that is so dark and dire and disruptive, something to be avoided at all costs. On the contrary, it is something that is profound, inevitable, intrinsic, and quite possibly, one of the most powerful portals of consciousness we can have.

I am positive Tasneem’s life-coaching expertise has given her the tools of insight and awareness to delve deep into the oasis of the human psyche. Her poems reflect her intuition, sensitivity and fearless willingness to internalize the vast and complex range of human emotions. Her ability to notice a myriad of different sentiments across different life stories is what makes this book a soul searchers delight.

“When we share our stories what it does is it opens up our hearts for other people to share their stories. And it gives us a sense that we are not alone on this journey.” — Janine Shepherd

So come and go or come and stay… I assure you this beautiful offering: Windows of Reflection will always remain open for you, night or day.

For life is an open book. Full of blank pages. Do write your own story along the way.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary
NYT Best Selling Author
International Speaker
Clinical Psychologist
Parenting Expert

www.drshefali.com 

To say that I’m feeling honored, special and ever so grateful would be an understatement. Thank you sounds weak.

Windows of Reflection. Coming soon.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com 

Personal Life Update

So she has been a dream for the first 10 odd years. A challenge for the next 10 plus years. She sat on all kinds of burners — front and back, over another ten years.

Sometimes I re-stirred her. Other times I let her temper at the mercy of the ways of the Universe. Once she even burned her steam off. Exhausted. From all the efforts which brought no fruit. No signs of bloom either. So she aged with me. I let her burn, somewhere deep within.

Life happened regardless.

But she… she was never forgotten. She had become a calling. A passion which I woke up to, imperative, in the middle of many nights. A compelling urge through numerous manic days. Persistently stalking my thoughts. Like a gentle reminder in all my fervent prayers. She stayed with me.

Until she made me what I am today.

Windows of Reflection. Coming soon.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com  

3 reasons why people NOT liking you is also a good thing.

“You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.”

 

I believe I am a pretty congenial person. Largely adventurous, I wouldn’t think twice before jumping off a plane or a building. I’ve done both. My friends can vouch for it. I have unshakable faith in God and all that I stand for and believe in. Family and friends mean the world to me and I try my best to never let either down. I mostly go out of my way to help people. Growing up, I always struggled with the quintessential word – NO. Barely ended by using it and therefore ended up being used often. I tried to please too many people - too many times, in too many ways. Over the years, I have gotten better at it even though professionally I am now fine-tuned to extend empathy, understanding and hope, by default. Which makes drawing the line, a pretty fine one when by instinct extending a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on, comes far more easily to me than minding my own business. I offer my point of view when required but I shy away from arguments. You see, conflict just cannot survive without my participation. Other than that, like most others, I am - work in progress. I still make mistakes, I still find it hard to control my tears when hurt or angry and my occasional outbursts usually mean a cold silence.

You’d think that makes a pretty likeable person. Wouldn’t you not? And I’m pretty sure you’re equally wonderful inside out, if not more. Yet you will have people who don’t see you in that light. People who you did nothing to offend but still feel a ‘disconnect’ with you. People who speculate or fabricate. In short people who don’t like you.

Maybe you relate to the above, maybe you don’t. But the odds are, we all have that small/big desire to be well-liked. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted, respected and appreciated?

 

I’ve since learned it’s actually a good sign if there are some people who don’t accept or agree with you. I’m not suggesting we be rude, inconsiderate or disrespectful. This post isn’t about disregarding people’s feelings. It is about releasing our stress and expectations about other people’s opinions.

 

Here then are 3 reasons why people not liking you is a good thing.

 

It allows you to be true to yourself.

 

The biggest disservice you can do yourself is pretend to be someone else. Own your life, your views and your circumstances. It’s exhausting to always fit in. Having to agree when you’re screaming to disagree from within, is so pointless. No one will get to know who you really are, which will leave you without a real identity of your own.

 

Stop worrying about everyone’s perceptions. Walk your own path. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyways. Let your words be kind but fearless.

 

It frees up so much of your time.

 

If you want to be liked by everyone, most likely you’re spreading yourself way too thin trying to keep them all happy. Don’t you think too much time and energy goes into that?! Having to constantly explain yourself to people is draining. It can lead to over analyzing your behavior. And we all know how over thinking can ruin you. It causes you so much angst and worry.

 

Keep your circle positive. The people around you should motivate and inspire you. Your circle should be empowering, well rounded and supportive. Keep it tight. Quality over quantity always. In that way all that precious time and energy can be used wisely to enrich yourself and others further.

 

It can help you be a better person.

 

Pick your most favorite FB or Twitter user and look at their comments section. More often than not they have their fair share of harsh comments. As you grow personally or professionally, the more attention you’ll receive, both positive and negative. A willingness to be disliked helps you deal with it. When criticism is framed constructively, we can improve, learn and grow.

 

There still will always be people who disagree with you or who dislike your ideas and actions. Remember that the road to success invites a lot of critics so the sooner you know what to take on board and what to let go, the better it gets.

 

There is a peace of mind that comes with that kind of acceptance and surrender.

 

So... you and I…. I’d really want us to like each other. It’s not like I don’t care. Honestly. Cross my heart. Life’s too short to stand apart with differences. It’s always better when we’re together. But if for some reason you don’t. I understand. I’m sure you have your whys and wherefores. Your own point of view. I respect it.

You carry on and be the amazing you and I will continue to be the awesome me. Let’s commit to being our best. I’m positive we will reconnect somewhere - sometime down the line.

And that’s pretty darn fine too.

 

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Do you constantly worry about pleasing people? Do you try very hard for everybody to like you? Are you struggling with saying no? Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know how Life Coaching can help you be true to yourself and embrace life for just who you are.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%
20Improvement

 

3 lessons I learned from my past

When looking back is a good thing…

The New Year has been rather eventful with so many twists and turns. Life somehow never fails to surprise, with its curve balls of chances, choices and change.

Over the past two months a business trip took me visiting many old addresses. Flashbacks of years gone by; people and places left behind in the race of life and living. I walked through some corners of my heart that I had squared off and some footsteps which when retraced unleashed much nostalgia. Though I preach and practice dreaming forward – just for these few snatched moments I succumbed to dreaming backwards, lying vulnerable in a labyrinth of memories.

It did leave me feeling rather exposed and reflective. Yet what came forth as a result was enlightening. What was that, you might ask?

This - 3 lessons I learned from my past.

Don’t shut out your past. If it has resurfaced; understand why.

Hmmm.  Aren’t you curious about those moments when something or someone from your past reappears in your present as if you have stepped into a time machine?  Like an instant portal into that era, there you are swirling in memories of that group of colleagues that you shared every bit of your life with back then, or that old romance, those special girlfriends that you bared your soul with – opening floodgates of remembrances.

Now I believe that everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences in life. If things and people have stepped into the present, they’re here to show you something about yourself in the here and now. So you might wonder, is it the right time for me to resolve something, think differently, change some beliefs or offer a helping hand? Why not treat these windows into your past as an opportunity to remember who you were and appreciate what you are now? Give yourself some credit for the path you have walked and the milestones you’ve achieved along the way.  

 

Then step one layer down to ask, “Is there something from this period of my life that I need to let go of?” “Is there something from this period of my life that I need to hold on to?” If the answer is maybe or yes, then write a word that represents that thought. Is it about who you were then, what you learned, is it a characteristic you need to lose or an abandoned self-belief that you need to find again and carry into the present. Treat the past as a teacher. Simply ask the memories that sift up from your past, “Why are you here now?” and then keenly listen.  

 

You are the ultimate artist of your bigger picture. Design your life by using these precious stones of the past to springboard you into the future you desire. 

You don’t need to fix the past every time in order to have a future:

Whilst in the above process of understanding your past you may as a result come across a quality, a certain mind set or a habit which you’re still struggling to imbibe or abstain from. Unresolved, it (re)appears posing as ‘problems’ in your personality.

At such times; we tend to believe that the responsible, necessary, or adult-like thing to do would be to hold the problem tightly until we fix it. Professionally I must admit, I often recommend to examine it, analyze it, talk about it and focus on it with a whole lot of emotion and energy until you deal with it.

However in hindsight, sometimes that creates more suffering. Of course, there’s a lot to be said for understanding ourselves and our experiences in a new way and taking action where action is needed. Those are absolutely necessary. But keeping our “problem” under a constant microscope, trying to use our intellect to solve it as if it’s a crossword puzzle, is not the only way to freedom.

Sometimes the best chance for change comes from letting go of everything you thought you knew, letting those loose ends remain just that; loose and undone. Instead focus on the present. Be open to fresh, new insights and ideas. Don’t carry around the box of your past; leave it there. As an alternative, address your issue in the now. Start thinking anew.

Don’t think inside the box. Think outside. No box required.

Remember; you can’t make old friends; you either have them or you don’t.

Most importantly along your journey, there would be some people who watched you rise and shine out into your own. Some of these celebrated your victories with you and a few other quiet ones silently rejoiced from the shadows. Oblivious, you lived your life up until you met them again. After decades. Maybe more. And it didn’t matter. It was just like old times. No questions asked, no judgments passed. These hearts still carry a torch for you. Cherish those souls. The ones which have stood the test of time and distance. Give them a permanent spot in your life and keep them close. These special ones are for keeps.

I’ve discovered that staying connected with old friends can make you happier here and now.

Look at me; I’m grinning from ear to ear.

 www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Are you struggling with your past? Do you wish to learn how to let go of your problems? Are you unable to overcome old memories from your past and be more content in the present? Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know how Personal Coaching can help you embrace yourself in the present whilst creating the compelling future you desire.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%
20Improvement

One person can

A quick exercise

Yesterday over a chance conversation someone asked me why I haven’t written in a while. He went on to add, that ‘regardless of anyone reading your posts or not, I always do and will. Please write.’

Hearing that at a time when life is stretched out in all directions was inspiration enough to step out and away from a super tight schedule and make the time to put this out there.

'I value your appreciation and trust that some bonds withstand the tides of time.'

So this one’s for you.

And each of you who connect with his sentiment. Or mine. As both are similarly united in thought.

If you can touch the life of just one person, it’s worth it. Grab the opportunity. This one connection measured against the vastness of the world may seem insignificant to the ambitious, yet to the person whose life you have touched, the significance can be profound. Besides through this one person you've probably had a far greater impact on way more people than you realize.

Think about it. When one person influences another, what happens?

A ripple effect. Over time this one person can actually impact generations to follow.

Here's a quick exercise for you.

Think about all the people who have impacted your life. Teachers, employees, coworkers, managers, customers, family or friends. Make a list. If too many come to mind, start with ten at a time. Let them know how they played a small or big part in influencing your life. Just sharing your experiences and insights may positively impact their current circumstances. Who knows? It may be just what they need to hear at this point of time in their life. Trust me; it's far more generous than any material gift of gratitude you can ever give.

Sooner or later you will have the same act of kindness reciprocated. Life always comes full circle. Like a boomerang. An echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get.

All it takes is one gesture. One person. One moment at a time.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know how Life Coaching works best for you.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%
20Improvement

Love is like that

3 lessons to remember in unrequited love  

 Do you have that one love which still burns silently in the darkest corners of your heart?

Did you give everything you had to someone without making sure they wanted it?

Did you struggle with that one crush that you just could not get over? A feeling that you would have done absolutely anything for them to notice you, talk to you, pay attention to you. When her smile lit up every crack and corner of your heart or when just seeing him gave you a 1000 different species of butterflies in your stomach.

It sounds romantic: To love someone with all of your heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. After all love asks for nothing in return. True that. But dealing with reality is different. Every day, every moment the pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic. The feeling of finding out you mean nothing to the person who means everything to you is devastating. Dealing with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except there is no love story that started it all. In that sense it feels more miserable pining over something you never had in the first place.

Undoubtedly infatuation, longing, and love can be agonizing when they remain un-reciprocated. However one can work towards letting go and learning through the process of healing. 

Here are 3 lessons to remember whilst doing just that.

Accept Acceptance

What you had was NOT a relationship. It was not meant to be. Accepting the reality of the situation may be the most important and biggest step you can take when dealing with unrequited love. It is important to keep in mind that someone’s lack of returned affection does not mean you are a bad person, unattractive or unworthy of love. It simply means they were/are just not interested in you in that way. It may not have anything to do with you. It could be a matter of where they are in life. 

Their circumstances, bad remnants of their history, or a sheer lack of chemistry. Who knows? Anyone who cannot recognize your worth and how awesome you are doesn’t deserve YOU. Poof! Be gone! Let go of that person and move on. However to do that, you have to accept the situation as it is — you love him/her and they don’t love you. This lesson in life stings a little. You may even shed a few (far too many) tears, but if you can take this first step you are well on the way to greener pastures.

Besides how often have you looked back on life and thanked God for having something not work out for you — only to be redirected to something better. Trust Him.

Give up the quest for closure

When you get heart broken, there’s one thing that tends to obsess you: Getting closure. How many times did you use that excuse to make that last call. The last text or email. That one more last time. Everyone agrees that one of the hardest parts of unrequited love is accepting that it is not ever going to be what you want it to be. You may keep looking for evidence that it’s over for you, but what you could be really looking for is proof that it could (still) happen.

Closure — that thing that promises to tie up your relationship in a big bow and explain it all. Does it?

Can you ever really find closure in what he or she says? Closure is a state of mind. Your state of mind. No one can give you closure.

It is the gift you must give to yourself.

Live for love in this moment

Indeed, unrequited love is still love. A little one-sided, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you felt less or that you weren’t entitled to feel what you felt. The truth is, sometimes love hurts. A lot. That’s okay though; that’s how we learn.

Know that, that was then and this is now. 

Things happen, people change. So do circumstances. Maybe you’re single or married today; regardless you have no more reason left to yearn for the idea of someone that once was. Getting over someone who didn’t love you back doesn’t only create more space in your heart for someone who does/will love you now, but also allows you to learn to love yourself enough first.

For love takes many forms. It is exquisitely elusive. Yet always present. Always here. Always there.

Love is falling head over heels. Drowning. Deep. And then; time stands still.

Love is like that.

Love is picking yourself up. Patting yourself dry. And then; time to move on.

Yes. Love is like that too.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Are you heart broken? Unable to overcome a toxic relationship? Do you wish to find true love? Contact Life Coach Tasneem Kagalwalla to know more on how relationship coaching can best help you love yourself and find your true soul mate.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

3 important reminders when obsessing over what you want

Expect the Un-expected

Have you ever wanted something so bad, worked hard at it relentlessly and yet not got it? Have you given unconditional love hoping so much it would be reciprocated? And it wasn’t. Have you given it all you have, from the very core of your being and still faced failure? After failure. Have you cried hot silent tears? In the bathroom. On your pillow. When bowed in prayer. Have you wailed uncontrollably when the grieving was overwhelming? Or felt a void. A gaping wound which bleeds each and every time a candid remark erodes its scarred surface. Until you fear to hope, lest it’s just an insidious hoax. Unable to hold it together you struggle with drowning in your vulnerable thoughts of helplessness.

If you answered yes to any of the above, then this one’s for you. But first, here’s a hug and a coffee. Now let’s talk.

1. Hope and Faith. They go hand in hand and yet have very different roles to play when dealing with fulfillment of desires. Hope is an expectancy of materializing things the way you envision them; faith is the fuel to that belief. Hope comes with a picture whereas faith has no shape or picture of things to be. It just keeps you safely grounded in the knowing that, it will be. The best for you will come forth.

Learn from Faith then. When you are attached to an outcome, you hope things will happen at a certain time in a certain way – it is your expectation of how things should happen that makes you think that things are not working out. Expectations color your perception of things. You don’t really see how things are unfolding when you want them to happen a certain way. This prevents you from recognizing the good that comes your way and causes you to push it away. As it just does not fit with the way you imagine it. Without preconceived ideas to limit your perception, you are able to accept what comes your way as part of the solution to realizing what you truly desire in life.

In future if you lose hope, remember to keep the faith. It will re-ignite your courage in time and allow you to bounce back. 

2. Start taking one day at a time. Live in the present. Your deepest longings forever push you to look ahead, mentally entrapping you in the future. Like a chess player you’re always thinking 8 moves out –what should I do, what if that doesn’t work out, what’s next. You create much of your own suffering by getting caught in an endless cycle of pining and attachment. You are living a conditional life; you cannot be free in the present moment. You cannot be happy with a beautiful sunset or with a moment of warmth between you and another; instead, every experience is interpreted in the context of how much better it would be in an expected future.  

Instead keep it simple. Breathe. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you want something too much, then do something else to distract yourself. Get involved in other things that are also important to you. Things that come 2^nd and 3^rd on your list of wants. What can I have right now? What can I do right now? Stay in the moment, see your decision right now as the best decision you can make in the moment. What happens next – how it turns out– doesn’t matter. Focus on right here. Right now. 

3. Detach. ‘You only lose what you cling to,’ says Buddha. Break free, let loose that which you desire the most. There’s a story about a monkey who comes across a trap in the forest. He can see a coconut inside. He’s hungry and so he puts his hand through a small hole to get at it. He grips onto the coconut, which he really wants to eat, but while he’s holding the coconut he can’t pull his hand free. If he only opened his hand again, he could escape, but clinging to what he wants keeps him trapped.  

We can only be deeply affected by loss when we are clinging on too tightly to something. Mind you, I’m not saying to stop wanting things. Just stop clinging to them. Clinging is holding on to something too tightly.  

When you find yourself obsessing about a desire, ask yourself. Why is it so important? What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get it? Would it really be the end of the world? 

For when you really think about it; have you ever lost out on something or someone only to be redirected to something better? Have new windows of opportunity opened just when you stopped knocking on the old closed doors. Are you eternally grateful to have something not work out for you as you had planned only because what you received instead was so much better?  

God is able to do above and beyond all that you can ask and even think of. Surrender; know that good things will come to you when the time and place is right. You will get what you need, just may not be the exact way you want it. In that sense, expect the unexpected. 

And Thank God for that. For He knows best. 

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to seek support and overcome personal and professional blocks and barriers.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

After happily ever after…

3 ways to achieve your ‘happy family’ goals

Some time back in June 2015 I dragged my husband for a Bollywood film, ‘Dil Dhadakne Do.’ (Let your heart beat) He’s not much of a movie buff whereas the 70 mm screen n I are best friends. It was a glamorous movie about a wealthy family on a voyage of self-discovery. The movie deals with the importance of marital + family bonds and how relationships suffer when communication takes a back seat. The film revolves round the classy elite and the universally common challenges and problems they face.

Unfulfilled relationships, troubled marriages, self-image and esteem issues result in fractured families which progressively soil the collar of a household. They go about doing their job, looking clean and pristine for everyone on the outside but when you turn it over, the dirt and grime are just sitting there eating into the weave of the domestic fabric.Many personal hardships and hurdles later, one or more of the family members decide to do something about it. This typically is when a Life Coach (ahem! ahem!) would be asked to enter the story line.

Thank you. Having made my two cents worth of a sales pitch let’s move on.

There are three central characters in the film who play a small and/or big part in giving this family its breakthrough moment. That aha moment of realization. When what you stand to gain (peace of mind, love, trust, support, loyalty, happiness, reliability, honesty, etc.) is far greater than what you stand to lose (ego, pride, bitterness, reputation/image, societal acceptance, approval, etc.)

This is where most movies end… the perfect happy ending.

However here is only where the reel ends. The real work begins then. (Aka; pichar abhi baki hain mere dost.)

Fixing a damaged husband and wife relationship takes much effort from both parties, to say the least. Dealing with divorce and renewing your identity and individuality is often times a hard upward climb. Washing out your dirty laundry is a process. Much like when you switch on the washing machine; you now need to go through the cycle.

This is when you need the most help. To stay grounded. Stay committed. Stay motivated. Stay with it till you achieve what you’ve set out to overcome.

Here then are three ways to achieve your happy family outcomes. These will give you a positive head start in the right direction.

Let go.

Most important. Get everything out on the table. All your feelings, hurt, pain, sadness, frustration, anger… whatever it may be. The good, the bad, the ugly. Speak your truth and then forever let it go. Start your ‘let’s fix this’ journey on a clean slate. If you continue to harbor negative feelings towards each other you won’t get far before all that you’ve shoved under the carpet will resurface at the next slightest hiccup you may face.

Ask for forgiveness. Repeatedly if required. Thereafter always remember that you are all different individuals; regret/repentance may not come to you in the exact package you desire. That doesn’t mean they don’t mean it. Have a heart. Let off. Your conscience is a good judge to decipher if your partner/family member is making a genuine effort.

Forgive the past. Remember the lessons though.

Communicate.

How can I stress this enough?! C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E. Does this help?

Talk to each other. Really listen to what the other has to say. Make time to spend time together. There may be setbacks; stick with it. Give time time. Pay attention. Give attention. Share your worries. Appreciate your triumphs. Hug each other when you agree and disagree.

Communication (verbal and non-verbal) within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admire one another.

Set short term goals.

Not all of us can see the big picture from Day 1. It just seems too far away. Unattainable from such a distance.

Instead go as far as you can see; when you get there you will see further.

Therefore set short term goals. One week, a fortnight or one month… what will you do differently in this period of time to see the results you desire?

A good way to do this is to imagine your ideal relationship on a scale of 1–10 with 10 being the most ideal. Where are you at now? Say 2? Together decide on a number which best describes your current status. Now ask one another what we can do for each other over the next one month to move from 2 to 3. Get creative here. Based on the problem you wish to overcome come up with interesting and innovative things to do for and with each other. For example a family that has had no time for each other could decide to eat one meal a day together (without cell phones or TV) or a couple that has lost their spark could surprise each other with something special be it cuddling in with a movie, a hand written love letter or a romantic dinner.

You know best what makes you and your significant other happy in your relationship/family. If you don’t; communicate. Ask. Constantly endeavor to keep the relationship alive.

Eventually on the way home from the film my husband asked, “So what happens after the happily ever after?”

With a gleeful smile I replied; “That’s a surprise. Wait till we get home. You’ll love it.”

www.tasneemkagalwala.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla on how Family/Relationship Coaching and Couples Therapy works best for you.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

5 steps to let go of guilt

Do you feel GUILT?

Guilt. Rarely does one small word have such a deep impact on our psyche.

Different people feel guilty for different things based on their values. Some feel guilt over not always being there for their children, partner or parents, saying “no” at work or when taking time out for themselves. There is guilt over past affairs, breaking someone’s heart or handling a situation unfairly. Having an abortion/ miscarriage or having to go back to work leaving your new born at home also leave many of us feeling guilty.

The reasons are varied for which we all carry our own crosses. God will never forgive me, some say. The Universe hates me, others believe. And life goes on until this guilt becomes a tainted part of our existence.

So what is guilt?

Guilt unfortunately is frequently viewed as a virtue, as a high sense of responsibility and morality. To feel guilty is seen as a sign of good character. The truth, however, is that guilt is the greatest destroyer of emotional energy. It leaves you feeling hopeless in the present and regretful in future by something that has already occurred in the past.

Regretful. That’s another important word in this context. What do you mean by regret?

Regret is a negative mental/emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made. A life that stems out of guilt and regret, often has not much to look forward to. It’s so empty.

Does that mean one should live a guilt free, regretless life without any conscience? No. Understand this. Human beings need to have a conscience. According to the dictionary a conscience is “the sense of right or wrong within the individual.” Without a conscience we would have no qualm about hurting one another, interpersonal relationships of any kind would be extinct and the world would be less safe.

In fact, excessive guilt is one of the biggest destroyers of self-worth, self-confidence and the ability to imagine positive outcomes for yourself. Beating yourself up repeatedly about a previous wrongdoing only serves as a punishment; a kind of self-decaying life sentence which you have decided to give to yourself.

Reflecting on past behavior and learning from it is enlightening. When your conscience tells you that you have done something wrong, it is important to face it, make amends and learn from your mistake. Staying consumed with guilt, however, will keep you from moving forward in a positive and productive way. With determination to resolve and absolve however, many have learned how to avoid taking off on a demeaning guilt trip.

Stay out of this bottomless pit by implementing the following steps:

·         Review the action or event over which you feel guilt. 

 

·         Was the action appropriate or acceptable under the circumstances? 

·         If so, decide to let go of the situation and refuse to think about it further. Go for a walk, call a friend or become absorbed in something enjoyable. Do anything but rethink the situation.  

·         If your action was inappropriate, is there something you can do to correct it or to make amends? Now take this step and realize you have done all you can to rectify the situation.

 

If your action was inappropriate and there is nothing you can do to make amends now, then repent. There is a big difference between regret and repent. Repentance; if properly understood is a change of mind--a change of intention from doing that which made you feel ‘guilty’ to not wanting to do it again--that results in a change of action. It involves the decision to make a change of behavior and/or attitude about something. Repentance encourages a heartfelt desire to change. 

·         What have you learned from this experience that will be helpful in the future?

Remember that the past cannot be changed, no matter how you feel about it. Victimizing yourself with excessive guilt will neither alter the past nor make you a better person. By applying the above steps though, you will begin to heal and be a better person as a result.

In the end, know that; God is great. So merciful. The Universe; a pure reflection of your spirit. The question then is not if God and the Universe have forgiven you. The question is; Have you?

 www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla on how Time Line Therapy™ and Hypnotherapy helps you to overcome guilt and other limiting beliefs or negative emotions.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

5 ways to master visualizations

Unleashing the power of your subconscious

 

Visualization or visualisation (see spelling differences) is any technique for creating images, diagrams, or animations to communicate a message. Visualization through visual imagery has been an effective way to communicate both abstract and concrete ideas since the dawn of man. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visualization_(computer_graphics )

In a recent article I had stressed the importance of visualizations in achieving your goals and preferred outcomes. I had quite a few people inquire about its effectiveness and ‘how to do it’ process.

Listed below are five ways on how to practice and master visualizations. Approach it with an open minded willingness to surrender to the process for 10-15 (or more) minutes every day. Supplement this with a positive mind set and attitude.

These examples have been written keeping an ‘ideal relationship/partner’ goal in mind. Replicate the same steps with any well aligned morally viable wish of yours that you would like to manifest in your reality. Be it an ideal job, career, wealth, family, children, etc.

• When visualizing your dreams, involve all your senses

Touch, sound, sight, even smell and taste. What does your partner look like, smell like, sound like, how is it to touch him her/him. Involve your emotions, feel what you feel, hear what you hear and notice what you notice. Visualize wholeheartedly what you want; see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blue print and begin to build on it.

• Take on different perspectives

See yourself accomplishing your goals beginning with your own 1^st person lens, then 2^nd and 3^rd person, be your partner, be a family member who would be happy for you, be a friend and look upon yourself living your dream.

• Begin to live as if you have succeeded in your goal

Begin to dress, talk, and look like the person you want to be…. Like the one who has found his/er love interest and is truly happy.

• Use self-talk and AFFIRMATIONS together with your visualizations

Talk to yourself, be your own best friend, use hopeful, encouraging language. Avoid self-talk which is negative or derogatory in nature. Such as, ‘I always attract losers’ or ‘why would someone like him/er fall for someone like me’? Instead say that which you would like to hear, about you as if you are already living your perfect relationship.

• Put together a vision board

This can be physical on a cork-board, posted on your desk or wall, or compiled on your computer. Use words that describe the person that you desire to attract, pictures of any couple that represents your ‘happily ever after’. In short invent your Mr/s Right from your power of intention. Get as detailed as possible. Remember, the little details increase the likelihood of the big picture.

As for its effectiveness; I can vouch for it. And so will you if you believe my story (http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2015/05/how-i-attracted-my-ideal-partner-in-3.html ) and/or the limitless power of your subconscious.

Go ahead; I dare you to visualize a world in which your most treasured dreams have become true.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know more on how GuidedVisualizations can help you realize your goals and dreams.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement