Tuesday, March 8, 2016

3 reasons why people NOT liking you is also a good thing.

“You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.”


I believe I am a pretty congenial person. Largely adventurous, I wouldn’t think twice before jumping off a plane or a building. I’ve done both. My friends can vouch for it. I have unshakable faith in God and all that I stand for and believe in. Family and friends mean the world to me and I try my best to never let either down. I mostly go out of my way to help people. Growing up, I always struggled with the quintessential word – NO. Barely ended by using it and therefore ended up being used often. I tried to please too many people - too many times, in too many ways. Over the years, I have gotten better at it even though professionally I am now fine-tuned to extend empathy, understanding and hope, by default. Which makes drawing the line, a pretty fine one when by instinct extending a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on, comes far more easily to me than minding my own business. I offer my point of view when required but I shy away from arguments. You see, conflict just cannot survive without my participation. Other than that, like most others, I am - work in progress. I still make mistakes, I still find it hard to control my tears when hurt or angry and my occasional outbursts usually mean a cold silence.
You’d think that makes a pretty likeable person. Wouldn’t you not? And I’m pretty sure you’re equally wonderful inside out, if not more. Yet you will have people who don’t see you in that light. People who you did nothing to offend but still feel a ‘disconnect’ with you. People who speculate or fabricate. In short people who don’t like you.
Maybe you relate to the above, maybe you don’t. But the odds are, we all have that small/big desire to be well-liked. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted, respected and appreciated?
I’ve since learned it’s actually a good sign if there are some people who don’t accept or agree with you. I’m not suggesting we be rude, inconsiderate or disrespectful. This post isn’t about disregarding people’s feelings. It is about releasing our stress and expectations about other people’s opinions.
Here then are 3 reasons why people not liking you is a good thing.
It allows you to be true to yourself.
The biggest disservice you can do yourself is pretend to be someone else. Own your life, your views and your circumstances. It’s exhausting to always fit in. Having to agree when you’re screaming to disagree from within, is so pointless. No one will get to know who you really are, which will leave you without a real identity of your own.
Stop worrying about everyone’s perceptions. Walk your own path. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyways. Let your words be kind but fearless.
It frees up so much of your time.
If you want to be liked by everyone, most likely you’re spreading yourself way too thin trying to keep them all happy. Don’t you think too much time and energy goes into that?! Having to constantly explain yourself to people is draining. It can lead to over analyzing your behavior. And we all know how over thinking can ruin you. It causes you so much angst and worry.
Keep your circle positive. The people around you should motivate and inspire you. Your circle should be empowering, well rounded and supportive. Keep it tight. Quality over quantity always. In that way all that precious time and energy can be used wisely to enrich yourself and others further.
It can help you be a better person.
Pick your most favorite FB or Twitter user and look at their comments section. More often than not they have their fair share of harsh comments. As you grow personally or professionally, the more attention you’ll receive, both positive and negative. A willingness to be disliked helps you deal with it. When criticism is framed constructively, we can improve, learn and grow.
There still will always be people who disagree with you or who dislike your ideas and actions. Remember that the road to success invites a lot of critics so the sooner you know what to take on board and what to let go, the better it gets.
There is a peace of mind that comes with that kind of acceptance and surrender.
So... you and I…. I’d really want us to like each other. It’s not like I don’t care. Honestly. Cross my heart. Life’s too short to stand apart with differences. It’s always better when we’re together. But if for some reason you don’t. I understand. I’m sure you have your whys and wherefores. Your own point of view. I respect it.
You carry on and be the amazing you and I will continue to be the awesome me. Let’s commit to being our best. I’m positive we will reconnect somewhere - sometime down the line.
And that’s pretty darn fine too.

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