The Success Story.

P.S. Notes from my desk #8

Have you failed at it? I have.

Not once, twice or thrice.

365 times over 365 days and still counting.

 

Do you still want it? I do.

Then keep up that fight.

Hang in there. You can. Hold on. Tight.

 

Will you get it? H i S will.

Keep the action and intention.

Surrender the outcome. With God’s will.

You will.

 

 

 

~Tasneem Kagalwalla~

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

 

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3 important reminders when obsessing over what you want

Expect the Un-expected

Have you ever wanted something so bad, worked hard at it relentlessly and yet not got it? Have you given unconditional love hoping so much it would be reciprocated? And it wasn’t. Have you given it all you have, from the very core of your being and still faced failure? After failure. Have you cried hot silent tears? In the bathroom. On your pillow. When bowed in prayer. Have you wailed uncontrollably when the grieving was overwhelming? Or felt a void. A gaping wound which bleeds each and every time a candid remark erodes its scarred surface. Until you fear to hope, lest it’s just an insidious hoax. Unable to hold it together you struggle with drowning in your vulnerable thoughts of helplessness.

If you answered yes to any of the above, then this one’s for you. But first, here’s a hug and a coffee. Now let’s talk.

1. Hope and Faith. They go hand in hand and yet have very different roles to play when dealing with fulfillment of desires. Hope is an expectancy of materializing things the way you envision them; faith is the fuel to that belief. Hope comes with a picture whereas faith has no shape or picture of things to be. It just keeps you safely grounded in the knowing that, it will be. The best for you will come forth.

Learn from Faith then. When you are attached to an outcome, you hope things will happen at a certain time in a certain way – it is your expectation of how things should happen that makes you think that things are not working out. Expectations color your perception of things. You don’t really see how things are unfolding when you want them to happen a certain way. This prevents you from recognizing the good that comes your way and causes you to push it away. As it just does not fit with the way you imagine it. Without preconceived ideas to limit your perception, you are able to accept what comes your way as part of the solution to realizing what you truly desire in life.

In future if you lose hope, remember to keep the faith. It will re-ignite your courage in time and allow you to bounce back. 

2. Start taking one day at a time. Live in the present. Your deepest longings forever push you to look ahead, mentally entrapping you in the future. Like a chess player you’re always thinking 8 moves out –what should I do, what if that doesn’t work out, what’s next. You create much of your own suffering by getting caught in an endless cycle of pining and attachment. You are living a conditional life; you cannot be free in the present moment. You cannot be happy with a beautiful sunset or with a moment of warmth between you and another; instead, every experience is interpreted in the context of how much better it would be in an expected future.  

Instead keep it simple. Breathe. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you want something too much, then do something else to distract yourself. Get involved in other things that are also important to you. Things that come 2^nd and 3^rd on your list of wants. What can I have right now? What can I do right now? Stay in the moment, see your decision right now as the best decision you can make in the moment. What happens next – how it turns out– doesn’t matter. Focus on right here. Right now. 

3. Detach. ‘You only lose what you cling to,’ says Buddha. Break free, let loose that which you desire the most. There’s a story about a monkey who comes across a trap in the forest. He can see a coconut inside. He’s hungry and so he puts his hand through a small hole to get at it. He grips onto the coconut, which he really wants to eat, but while he’s holding the coconut he can’t pull his hand free. If he only opened his hand again, he could escape, but clinging to what he wants keeps him trapped.  

We can only be deeply affected by loss when we are clinging on too tightly to something. Mind you, I’m not saying to stop wanting things. Just stop clinging to them. Clinging is holding on to something too tightly.  

When you find yourself obsessing about a desire, ask yourself. Why is it so important? What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get it? Would it really be the end of the world? 

For when you really think about it; have you ever lost out on something or someone only to be redirected to something better? Have new windows of opportunity opened just when you stopped knocking on the old closed doors. Are you eternally grateful to have something not work out for you as you had planned only because what you received instead was so much better?  

God is able to do above and beyond all that you can ask and even think of. Surrender; know that good things will come to you when the time and place is right. You will get what you need, just may not be the exact way you want it. In that sense, expect the unexpected. 

And Thank God for that. For He knows best. 

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to seek support and overcome personal and professional blocks and barriers.

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5 lessons I learned from my mother

I AM...

I was a fat chubby kid. I’m told I was insistently naughty. I mostly got my way. My elder brother, I’m sure disliked that and yet loved me insatiably to usually give in or let go. I begged to be carried all the time and my mother obeyed even when she was dog tired after a hard day at work. Her arms somehow always found the strength to bear my tantrums and my weight.

I learned that true strength comes from within.

Growing up I was a rebel of sorts. When I wanted something I wanted it anyhow. My mother would advise me. She showed me right from wrong. Often she warned me in a stern voice and not used to it I’d relentlessly sulk until she gave in. She loved me enough to caution me and yet she stood by me when I made my mistakes. Along life’s trials and tribulations she gave me her hand to hold, her shoulder to cry; she even gave me her spine when I couldn’t stand on my own. On instances when I’d sob or cry she would be most anxious, she’d immediately hug and kiss me. Unable to make me stop at times, along with me she’d secretly cry.

I learned how to give and receive unconditional love.

In my teens, she worked harder only to give in to my every whim and fancy. She bought me clothes, shoes and handbags. She always indulged in my vanity as I pruned and preened in front of the mirror. Sometimes I’d sneak in a hundred or two from her purse, of which I guess she always knew. Yet not once did she say she didn’t have enough or never did she lock her handbag away. When I implored to be allowed out at night, she’d reluctantly persuade my father to let me go. Then she’d stay up right until she heard me at the door. Often I’d break my curfew time, for which I always had a (not so) valid reason. Invariably she’d believe me and worriedly she'd plead, please don't be late, be punctual next time. Like a beacon of purity, she always encouraged that good or bad, I tell her the truth at all times.

I learned honesty and trust.

Through the years she continued to pray for us all. I remember watching her bow her head in prayer, morning, noon and night. Playfully, I emulated her in prayer and she’d look at me and smile. When faced with hard times, I noticed she prayed even more. Leave it to God, she’d say, and then peacefully let go. Seeing her firm belief in the Lord, I have my own unwavering relationship with God.

I learned to have faith.

She inspired me to study further. She rejoiced when I got my first job. She took pride in my every small accomplishment. She made big of my every achievement. By example, she motivated me to always come away having given it my all. Along life’s path, I failed a few times. I made a few wrong choices, I paid some heavy prices. Dejected, I’d pour my heart out to her. Regardless of what time, she’d always give me her listening ear. You are the best, she’d say at the end. Don’t worry; there will be better, there will be more.

I learned to believe in myself.

Today, I have my own family. Others that call me their own. My mother is older now, a little frail and a lot wiser now. We talk, we share; we are best friends now. Gratefully then, I will pass on her legacy as I continue to grow as an individual and see my spirit soar.

For mom, know this… You are - So I am. 

Dedicated to my mother, Shireen. It is rightfully said that motherhood has the greatest potential influence on human life.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Drop your baggage

It was a cold winter afternoon as the captain landed the aircraft!  Houston was every bit to her as any other United States airport. The last she had been in this country was several years ago and had hated her experience then….she hated it now too. The people, the weather, the smell of the air….everything reminded her of a time gone by!  Years ago, in this same country she had allowed herself to be so emotionally vulnerable that she had returned home with nothing but walls around her, shattered within ….the only memento of time spent. That was fourteen years ago!

As she mechanically smiled and answered the immigration officer’s questions, she couldn’t help notice the excited banter of a large Mexican family close by. God! What was there to be so excited about? Her feet ached, her head pounded, her hand was heavy with the joke of a hand bag she had on her… It was more like a truckload of dead weight! Passport stamped they walked for what seemed like miles to the next gate, they had a connecting flight to their final destination. With every step, her life seemed more like a mirage. Her home, friends, familiarity, they all seemed far behind. “Just a phone call away,” she had consoled her parents at the departure gate in Mumbai. Yet the same words couldn’t force a brave smile on her face right now. Like the one they had on theirs just yesterday, as they frantically waved until their combined eyesight of 141 years could follow her no more. They blinked; she was out of sight.

At the gate her husband asked her to be seated as he rushed off with his phone and charger. As she sat there an elderly gentleman came up to her, smiled and asked animatedly, “That’s interesting what you have on your hands, what is it?! I have never seen it before”. “Henna” she replied. “It’s beautiful, does everyone have their hands like this in your country”, he genuinely asked. “Thanks, no we have it done for festivals and important occasions”, she abruptly replied. “Where are you from?” he queered on. Oh! Leave me alone, she thought. “India”, she replied. Her monosyllable replies ended the conversation quicker than he would have intended; the gentleman politely smiled and went his way. As she sat waiting several people passed her by, as with airports you always get to see a variety of souls drifting by. Many of them smiled as they walked by.

Later, as she walked over to the restroom she looked at her watch. It still showed a different time. A quick calculation led to a perturbed sigh. It had been 30 minutes, wonder where her husband had disappeared to?! Inside a woman smiled and asked, “From India?!” God, not another one! “Yes”, she replied. “I have a friend in India”, she went on to add. “Hmm”, she replied. “All the best,” she waved as she disappeared through the door. She freshened up in cold silence thereafter and stopped to stretch out her arms. “Damn, this bag is heavy”, she whispered under her breath as she stumbled out.

Seated at a distance was her husband, pleased with phone in hand. “Needed to charge it for you, so went over to where the sockets are,” he said. “Here, you wanna call your mother?!”

In that moment, she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed at his thoughtfulness. Her reservations seemed weak in comparison to his compassion. With tears brimming over she dropped her baggage and eagerly reached out to take the phone. As the phone rang miles across, a different bell went off in her head. The bell of realization. The bell of letting go. The bell of freedom. “Hello ma?!” she excitedly cried into the phone as an equally excited voice greeted her on the other side.

As the airline staff announced the departure of their onward flight, she walked over to the check in agent. The hand bag didn’t seem as heavy any more. She smiled as she handed over her boarding pass, the lady at the gate smiled back!

Notes from my desk: It takes a moment to decide and disconnect from close mindedness, rigidity or thoughts that are not working for you anymore. It takes a moment to get rid of all the pain, anguish, hurt and guilt. Instead you can learn from it and move on. Sometimes it takes just one act of kindness from a loved one or at other times it may take several smaller acts of kindness from strangers. At other times only a moment of introspection is enough. Bottom line being, this world, people in it and you deserve better. Choose to start afresh. Today I chose to drop my baggage!

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