Thursday, April 16, 2015

5 questions to assess your success

Success re-framed

Success means different things at various phases of our lives. To many, success is monetary wealth, achieving financial independence and prosperity. In truth though, learning to walk after repeatedly falling is success to a kid. Growing up, passing exams is success. Your first job, first relationship is a successful start. Positive life choices, being respected by peers and colleagues alike is a sign of success. Later, getting married, starting a family, making that marriage work, devoting time and attention to the family/kids in those crucial years; all denote success.

What this implies then is that success is a relative term. It is forever evolving. Changing as our lives grow and transform.

Financial prosperity alone does not necessarily mean one is successful. If anything it means that one is just wealthy but one's successful life is not complete. On the other hand, it is possible to have a successful life without being wealthy. 

Recently I posted a quote bearing the same title - Success re-framed. Maya Angelou beautifully defined success as liking yourself, liking what you do and how you do it. (

This compelled me to bring to your attention the fact that the quote is written in the present tense. Liking yourself for what you are today, what you do now and how you do it in this moment.

When I relocated to the Unites States in 2012 it was overwhelming. I felt inadequate without the job and friends I was used to. Previously life was action packed, I had just been promoted and was looking forward to the added responsibilities that came with the perks. Here in the US though, life was different. I got busy with setting up home, getting to know new people and places, launching my life coaching and training company and so much more…yet for a while I didn't see that as ‘success.’

Until one day, an acquaintance casually mentioned, you've done so much in a span of a year, it’s commendable. You should be very proud of yourself. 

There in that moment I realized that unconsciously I had recreated success. Yet consciously I was caught up chasing success as I knew it; only liking what I was, what I did and how I did it.

And if by any chance any of you are caught up in that same bubble, here are 5 questions which will help burst the unwanted illusion and gracefully carry you to the wonderful reality of your existence, encouraging you to realign your parameters of success and reinvent yourself, right here, right now.
  1. What are your priorities at present?
  2. What is the successful outcome you desire today?
  3. What’s stopping you?
  4. What can you do more of?
  5. How would you know that you've achieved your outcome? What would you see, hear, feel or notice?           
For eventually what is success? Success is a constantly evolving process, not a fixed place.

Do enjoy the process.

What does success mean to you? Do you wish to be more successful? Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for more information on how Life Coaching works best to realize and achieve your personal or professional goals.

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Friday, April 10, 2015

5 steps to avoid an identity crisis

Identity Crisis ~ noun

a period of uncertainty and confusion in which a person's sense of identity becomes insecure, typically due to a change in their expected aims or role in society.

Who are you?

Have you ever been asked this question? Perhaps it may even have crossed your mind whilst self-introspecting. Most of us pause and reflect before answering questions on our identity. Some unable to come up with a response are left struggling for an appropriate reply. 

An unfulfilled state of mind constantly questions personal identity. I seem to have lost myself over the years, say some. I don’t know who I am anymore, say others. Over a period of time, prolonged inadequate feelings breed an identity crisis. 

Today many struggle with their true individuality. Different stages of life have varied impact on individualism. Children as they enter adolescence, men as they hit their 40’s, mothers after their children are self-sufficient or women as they go through menopause, the list is endless. 

During this phase individuals have trouble taking ownership for the worthy and capable things they do too. In their minds their success and accomplishments somehow come from sources outside of themselves. They would rather believe that it was a one-time stroke of luck, a mistake or an accident that just worked out in their favor, or maybe they were just in the right place at the right time. What this kind of thinking does is to set them up to doubt that they can be successful or achieve the next time around since they haven’t owned it the first time. 

To the outside world they appear unharmed, going about their normal lives with routine ease. When inside their heads they live in a state of continual unease. Un-addressed this condition can trigger anxiety attacks and/or depression.

How then can you avoid falling trap to a state of mind which is unhealthy and regressive. How can you encourage thoughts that drive you to create and recreate a personality which constantly evolves?

Here’s how. 

Begin by listing some specific qualities or capacities that you believe are underdeveloped, dormant or even nonexistent; but ones you want to grow and become   visible.

For each one, envision what it would look like if you did embody that quality in your daily life. Use examples for each, as much as possible. It can help to imagine   seeing your evolved self as though a character in a movie.

Thereafter describe the totality of that broadened, expanded picture of your evolved self by answering the following.

If you looked up your name in the dictionary today what would it say?

If someone asked someone who knew you well who you are today what would they say?

If you were to have an identity card that represented who you truly are – what would be on it and what would you choose to leave off?

Take the time to think through your responses. Write down everything, however small and inconsequential it may seem or however big and bizarre it may sound. Sleep over it or take a couple of days to give it your best. 

Review your replies thereafter and discover a pattern of thoughts and qualities emerging through your answers. There in those candid words and phrases lies your true authentic self. 

In conclusion, we all contain the power to reinvent ourselves and create a new, empowered identity that constantly expands what is possible in our lives. 

So go ahead, tell me…Who are you?

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for more information on how Life Coaching works best to help overcome an identity crisis and augment optimum personality development

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personalityindividualityTasneem KagalwallaLife Coachingidentity crisisidentity