Life Coaching or Therapy is a pseudo-science, all mumbo jumbo!

Life Coaching/Therapy Myth #3

Imagine this. You’ve lost your job and your career seems to be going nowhere. Your finances are a serious worry and the daily charades of life seem to wear you out. Your relationship status stands at messed up and you are up close and personal with an identity crisis. Mental health challenges have manifested into physical ailments. Depressed and anxious you struggle to stand strong against these extremely trying times. You seem to have tried it all; fought your illness with medications and your mind with will power. You even prayed every day for God to relent and cut you some slack. Yet you just cannot get a grip on things and like bone china you seem to be slowly crumbling apart.

MYTH: Life coaching and Therapy is a pseudo-science, all mumbo-jumbo!

FACT: Now hopefully (and thankfully) you may or may not be going through all of the above all at the same time, however take one or a combination of any two and you still have a pretty hard battle ahead. At such a point of time someone you know directs you to – a Life Coach; a Therapist.

Desperate for a resurrection you eagerly listen, go through several testimonials and then - wait a minute; you stop dead in your tracks. Why? Because you wonder, you are terribly concerned and you absolutely have to know if life coaching/therapy is a pseudo-science before giving it a shot. Seriously, do you really need scientific evidence to convince yourself to take a chance at success?

No, I hear you say. 

Then what is that which is truly stopping you? Are you afraid of trying all over again? Are you scared to commit to your success after a series of bouts with failure? Are you overwhelmed by the diversity of practitioners out there? How do you go about finding a reliable life coach/therapist?  Are you skeptical of the financial and emotional investment? These would be more appropriate questions. For honestly having been there, done that myself the last thing on my mind was the placebo effect or any such scientific predicament. It was instead lack of clarity on the above. So I took the first step. The decision to do it. The rest followed suit with the help of some dedicated research on available life coaches in my area, holistic practitioners and their references.

Having said that it’s ok to be concerned about the subject, after all it has the possibility to bring about great results. Often people think that life coaches or therapists choose to disregard science and instead like to think of it as an art. But this common critique of the profession is filled with misunderstandings and errors that lead people away from a deeper understanding of the complexities that exist in the development and delivery of evidence-based mental-health care. Let’s take a look at some reasons why individuals often do not receive coaching/therapy based solely on what science says to do.

Truth and Science:

Let’s talk about what science is not. Science is not the same as truth. Science is just a method that moves us towards the truth. The amount of effective interventions we have yet to uncover through research will eventually dwarf what we have figured out thus far. Therefore it would be safe to conclude that scientific studies that do exist are full of limitations and likelihood that what is currently termed as a pseudo-science be proved as a scientific cure/breakthrough at a later date.

Generalizations and Science:

We all know that science generalizes in order to conclude. The problem with research studies is that they isolate various mental health issues whilst weighing them against a sizable randomized norm so as to come to an evidence-based conclusion. However how often are two people alike? How often are our models of the world identical in nature? Also for example; how often does a person suffer from obesity only, without it being linked to a lack of self-worth or any other limiting belief? What happens when a client approaches a life coach or therapist with multiple issues? Should the life coach explain to the client that while we do have a scientifically proven treatment for obesity, we don’t yet have an evidence-based treatment protocol for combined challenges? Please come back a few decades later? Obviously not. And so we use our expertise to tailor an individualized coaching plan best suited to the client history and current circumstances. Would this be what you refer to as mumbo-jumbo?

Rapport and Science:

We must consider the role of the rapport between client and coach/therapist as a potential variable that influences the outcomes of coaching and therapy. Surely that’s not the only thing that’s needed. No coach/therapist is sitting around sipping iced tea and making friendship bands with their clients. But a good therapeutic relationship is necessary and a key ingredient that helps people succeed. A skilled coach or therapist can help create a safe and comfortable environment to rebuild one’s capacity to overcome and triumph. I wonder if we’ll ever be able to measure how the client-coach/therapist rapport contributes to the healing process. I hope we do but what if we don’t? Does that mean it’s therefore not part of what makes coaching and therapy useful?

In conclusion; evidence-based treatments are absolutely the backbone of what coaches and practitioners should be using to help people. It is great to know that various colleagues in academia continue to work tirelessly to find evidence-based treatments for those seeking help. We need those scientists working for us all, and science will certainly contribute to our deepening understanding of psychological function and dysfunction. But right now, let’s admit it; we just don’t have all the answers...as yet.

And so for now I will continue to work tirelessly to help individuals, using everything I have in my arsenal. That includes evidence-based practices, knowledge, skill, empathy and staying committed with those, fully aware that we perhaps don’t have all the answers but continue to have the conviction and faith that together we will surely move towards wellness and growth.

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for more information on how Life Coaching works best for you.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Click here for Therapy Myth #2 http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2014/10/therapy-myth-2.html

Click here for Therapy Myth #1 http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2014_09_01_archive.html

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Do you believe a Life Coach or Therapist will fix you?

Life Coaching/Therapy Myth # 2

You are driving down the highway and all of a sudden your car stalls and swerves. You struggle to keep control and just about manage to get the car to come to a grinding halt. Yikes! Something is wrong with your car.

What’s next? When there is a problem with your car, you take it to a mechanic to get it fixed. You take it to an expert.

What about when you are feeling unwell? You go to the experts; therapists. But you are not a car and you cannot be fixed.

For therapy to work, you need to be an active participant, bringing your expertise about what life is like for you. The best solutions and insights will come from you, with the therapist acting more like a skilled and knowledgeable facilitator, guiding the process. Therapists do not fix you and they do not tell you what to do, how to walk, talk, think, and feel. And thank heavens for that! Can you imagine being dependent on a therapist to tell you how to live?

MYTH: Therapists are experts. They will fix me.

FACT: If only this were true! A qualified therapist is there to guide you through your challenges and therapy is an experience where you can feel relieved that you are not alone with your problems, there is a qualified and proficient individual who is there to guide and direct you to success.

Working with a therapist can be compared to working with a physical trainer. Although a trainer can provide an inspirational structure for change, helping the client to identify specific goals and suggest a regime to achieve them, it is always up to the client to make use of the tools provided.

Therapy can be similarly overwhelming at first. Initially you may not even notice the results. You wonder when you will see the new changed you. It is common to feel a bit worse before you feel better, but if you stick with the process, let go of old habits, and rework some perceptions, soon enough you have your mind and body functioning better than ever.

Therapy does require you to work and does not always provide an immediate sense of relief. You may confront feelings, thoughts, memories or personal insights that are uncomfortable, even painful. These experiences result in you wanting to make changes in your beliefs, values, habits or behaviours that may make you uncomfortable at first.  Yet with time and effort they will result in a happier healthier you.

In that sense therapy is a lot of hard work—a process more akin to going to the gym than going to the spa.

Ultimately the responsibility for change rests with you. The therapist will not provide you with a psychological blueprint of who you are. The therapist’s role is to provide a safe and comfortable environment along with a trusting relationship where questions can be addressed. Therapists will not often give advice, but rather, help you to understand the conflicts within you that make it difficult for you to make your own decisions. Of course there are a-ha moments and revelations during sessions, but for change to really happen and last, the majority of the work happens between (and after) sessions. With your therapist’s help, you work towards your goals, decide on a plan for growth and change, and then practice the new behaviors not only during the sessions but most importantly out in the real world.

In the long run, the goals of therapy are for people to develop more awareness, gain more self-insight, and make the most of their strengths and abilities thereby creating a new compelling future ahead.

People like:

• Taasha made the big move – quit her job and relocated across continents to move forward with the relationship of her dreams.

• Sarah is using the tools and techniques that she learned to close deals in her new Sales Manager role.

• Neil left a successful career with the aviation industry to follow his passion and is now a successful fashion photographer.

You could be next!

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

As featured in http://whattherapy.com/therapy-myths-busted-part-2/

Click here for Therapy Myth/Part 1 http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2014/09/therpay-myth-1.html

Do you believe seeing a Life Coach or Therapist means you are weak?

Life Coaching/Therapy Myth #1

My journey in the world of self-improvement and therapy began years ago purely based on necessity. It is common for life coaches and therapists to have started out for themselves. It was true for me too.

I didn’t stumble upon it. Eager friends did not introduce it to me over a breezy afternoon. There was no bolt of lightning that struck me in a dream and told me this is what I was meant to do. No!

For me, it was not a magical initiation.

I was going through a rough patch in my life. It was as if I had lost control of how I chose to live. I was remote-controlled by my circumstances, feeling lonely, low, and lost in the maze of life.

Mental health challenges affect millions of people around the world. Unfortunately, misconceptions about therapy not only discourage people from seeking help but also contribute to the stigma surrounding these issues. Many people have a perception of what therapy is that does not quite match up to reality.

What is therapy to you? Is it lying on a couch with a box of issues and paying top dollars to talk to someone who does not seem to quite get it? Or more like a reality TV show where you are openly and publicly blamed and shamed, as you are confronted? If so, please think again. Therapy is not that.

In a myth-busting series to share facts and raise awareness, we will address some of the most common ones. The truth will set you free.

Myth 1# Therapy means I am weak, less of a man/woman, mentally ill or crazy.

Asking for help is not a weakness.

Think of these other scenarios. Are people “weak” when they pay for tuition classes to improve academically? What about when they are sick, maybe with a cough of a cold? Are they weak to see the GP? It is not a weakness to recognize that certain areas of our well-being are less than and we need professional help.

Researchers continue to find new links emphasizing the value of taking equal, if not more, care of mental health to ensure good physical health. This is often referred to as the mind-body health connection.

Emotional challenges can show up as physical symptoms. When we are physically unwell over prolonged periods of time, we may also develop emotional issues. Sadly, having emotional or cognitive concerns is often seen as a moral failing or character flaw.

Men are especially stereotyped, making it harder for them to seek help. Men don’t cry. Men don’t talk about feelings. Men need to have it all figured out.

Seeking help for your problems means you are taking action and being responsible. It is gender-neutral. Asking for help requires more courage than remaining passively stuck. Getting help is actually a sign of resourcefulness and strength.

Many people who seek therapy are “normal” people, people like you and me, suffering from very “normal” everyday life stressors. We all face difficult times, anxiety, and even depression at some point or another. People go to therapy to cope with school, careers, relationships, disorders, stress, and grief or just to figure out who they are and learn to live the life they desire, to live life to the fullest. Sometimes people see therapists to seek an outside perspective of a difficult situation.

Consider this – if therapy did not help better lives significantly, why would top athletes, successful executives, and celebrities have coaches, mentors, and other such professionals? Bottom line is that there is no shame in wanting a better life.

So one day, there I was, reluctantly attending a family get-together. As everyone enthusiastically smiled for the camera, I barely managed a feeble smile. A week later, when a copy of the group photo was mailed to us, I sat there looking at the person in the picture. I was stunned. Is that really me? I could not recognize who I had become. It was then that a small voice in my head said, “You are everything you choose to be.”

I chose that day to salvage myself and reclaim my life. And I did! I learned and tried every new theory, therapy, and home remedy suggested to me. Committed to the journey of self-discovery and improvement, I left no stone unturned. Today, I am here simply asking you this – are you everything you choose to be?

As featured in http://whattherapy.com/therapy-myth-1/

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com