Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Mathematics of Love

Initial Attraction to Eventual Subtraction = My own version of Perfection

She met him at sunset, ‘twas a fancy restaurant.
She was dressed to kill. Perfect curls, immaculate nails, subtle make up which highlighted her cheek bones. A fresh fruity perfume filled the air, as she walked towards him with grace and flair. Two inch heels, just right to match his height, not too tall - not too short; Oh yes! She was just right!
He was uber cool. Casual khakis with a sky blue linen shirt. A button seemed to have (deliberately?) opened, revealing a hint of his masculine chest. The brown moccasins completed his look with an air of unrehearsed confidence. He wore a sharp crew cut which sat on a square chiseled face. A strong woody scent complimented his lean body. Oh yeah! He was one of a kind, not just anybody.

He opened the doors, pulled the chairs, gently their hands brushed as they walked. He held her gaze as they shared and talked. She tossed her hair as she spoke. He listened with intent. Laughed at all her jokes. She made him feel special, when to his name she’d refer. She’d tilt her face as she looked into his eyes, only to coyly look away soon after.
In that moment, stars they saw. There was a chemistry which was heavenly, together forever, he saw. Do you, he intently asked? I do, she replied fast.

Over the years they got to know each other better. She was a natural nurturer, he a hard worker. As she went about her daily chores, her hair was anything but perfect. Her locks were often wrapped in a bun of neglect. Her perfect curls came at $45, the perfect figure required a corset to survive. Occasionally she suffered from…ummm flatulence. Yet, she was cute in her most awkward instance too. In her imperfections there was an allowance of comfort, a mutual acceptance.

He worked long hours, tired, some nights he snored. He’d be fast asleep just when she was wide awake and bored. He’d watch sports on his off days, she’d plead to go out that day. Eventually they’d settle to watch some Netflix or Nat Geo. There was nothing woody about his scent then, only a request to please wear deo. Always; he’d burp after his meals; Disgusting! She’d say. Yet she’d cook up his favorite meal just to watch him blissfully belch as she’d squirm and squeal.

Akin to each other’s skin, their love only grew. Together; they created a beautiful reality, minus the formality. It was their own version of perfection, a level of trust and affection. In there, there was no room for any adulteration.

Notes from my desk: While the above sounds ideal, countless couples complain of losing the “spark” in their relationship. Some chalk it up to evolved differences, a slow growing apart, or sheer familiarity. Undoubtedly, the initial honeymoon stage of a relationship does fade in order to form a bond that is deeper and more intimate as the two become closer and intertwine their lives together. That wave of stagnancy and deadness can often submerge a relationship after the first thrilling months or years. As a result, many couples lose hope, break up or even look elsewhere for the excitement of newfound intimacy.
The question then is; ‘Is love really blind?’ A recent survey tells us that the connection between caring for our physical appearance and the health of romantic relationships is actually stronger than we realize. Research showed that looks do play a clear role in long-term partner satisfaction. According to the survey, overall physical attractiveness, which is not the same as physical perfection, matters to both men and women.
In conclusion; keeping the focus on the value system of the relationship is ideal. Trust, faith, loyalty alongside a healthy paradigm of open communication is vital. However a long term relationship doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to watch the spark fade away. You just need to make the effort to rekindle it. Take the time to revive, refresh and renew. Your effort is the oxygen that will breathe life into your love again. A little today, some more every day.
Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for more information on how Life Coaching works best for your relationship.

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