Stories like these are heard by the dozen. Growing up in an
Asian family I was often reminded to wake up early at my in-laws when I get
married, “don’t sleep in late, what will they think, that I have not taught you
well,” my mother would say. Make round chapattis, learn to cook a variety of
dishes, dress appropriately, the list is endless on how one should behave at
their in-laws.
And that’s all right; it’s all taken in the right spirit
when it’s wrapped within the threads of love and care from near and dear ones.
However it still does make me wonder what would happen if we
took a different approach. What if we were brought up (from as early an age
that we are) to believe that we would be lucky enough to have two mothers, two
fathers, many sisters/brothers if we get married? Drop the ‘in-laws’ altogether. In-laws bring
with it such a legal binding, a connotation of ‘need to accept by law’! Instead
bring the focus on two families becoming one. No relatives’ in-law…only
families in love if we had to have an alternative. Would that change our perspective?
Now, I am not here to profess this as the solution to all
marital problems or domestic issues.
Yet I’m curious to know if it would impact our outlook if we
are informed differently at a stage when we begin to form our standards and
opinions.
·
Would the wicked mother in law who does not lift
a finger, just be mum who is tired after having worked so hard all her life, wants
to let you run the show, wants to step back, take it easy! She does complain
and she has her two bits to say every now and then but then that’s mum, she
means well! Would that give us more patience, less anger, more love?!
·
Would the demanding father in law, just be dad
who like many dads loves to be spoiled and cared for after a certain age. He fusses
and cusses but underneath it all he is just looking for the added attention
that he craves for. Could that bring more understanding, less irritation,
more peace?!
·
What if the bossy sister in-law was no different
from your younger/elder sister? The one who used to bully you as a kid or the
one who was so spoiled that you were always the one cleaning up her mess. The
one you fought tooth and nail with and yet knew that if ever they came a time
of need, you always had each other. Perhaps this would create more rapport,
less bitterness, more affection?!
·
And would the aloof brother in law, just be the
brother who was very different from you growing up. He preferred to stay quiet
while you chattered away; he read books while you blared the television. Nonetheless;
you were one and though he seemed distant, when you needed him he never was far
away. Maybe this could bring about more trust, less assuming, more acceptance?!
Surely, different permutations and
combinations of the above exist. We each have our own unique story. All
the same can a new spin of words impact our view in any way?!
Inquisitive to know if just a simple and
easy shift of language could bring about more gratitude I dared taking a risk
the other day. When asked by a friend’s mother, “So beta, tell me how are your in-laws?!” I chose to say, “I hate in-laws!” In addition I went on to say, “Both my
families are great, thank-you!” Aghast, I doubt she heard the second half.
Nevertheless; try it, it feels so good!
(Beta: Hindi word used by an elder to address a younger
person (boy or girl) it is used in the regular context of meaning son or child.
The term is also used among close friends to address each other as a friendly
banter.)
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