The
individual family upbringing will be reflected in the kind of society that is
created. Every family teaches something about how to deal with the outside
world; how to get along, what to do about injustice and how to relate it all to
your life. Some teach conformity, some rebellion, some reinforce group
responsibility and yet others teach by building a protective shell around their
young ones. Which we think is right or wrong is not the point of discussion
here. The point is that many decades ago, the family was the only source for
teaching its members what they needed to know to grow up to be an evolved
adult. However today the importance of institutions such as schools, colleges, religious
institutions, work places and governments have become integral parts of this
process. Whether we like it or not they have grown in importance to become our
extended family. Add to it the indisputable influence of television, movies,
internet and the social media; and what you are dealing with is a whole new
world outside of the one you are living in. By the sheer wealth of our
technology advancement, family life as things have worked out often takes a
back seat getting only the left over time after work, school, college, etc. are
through.
Therefore
it is vital that we marry the two. This last section on family wellness is
aimed at creating awareness to productively link the two.
The
two need not function independent of each other. For e.g. a bold and bubbly 5
year old recently enrolled in a kindergarten school. However contrary to her
nature she did not settle into her new routine. The parents assumed it was the
new environment. Yet months passed by and little Hailey just would not want to
go to school. She’d cry herself to sleep, cry herself out of sleep every
morning, and helpless with her limited communication skills, she tirelessly
begged all in her family to not send her to this school. On the other hand, her
teacher at school noticed that Hailey was weak at many skills, even those that
her peers seemed to have no trouble coping with. She was slow at her work and
needed added individual attention.
Finally
perturbed and unable to figure out the reason for Hailey’s behavior, her
parents felt the need to meet with the teacher. The school however only allowed
pre-arranged parent – teacher meetings. So a special request to meet with the
class teacher was made. This took another couple of weeks to arrange. In the
meanwhile Hailey continued to feel miserable.
Eventually
it was discussed that Hailey needed extra attention at home in order for her to
catch up on the curriculum and feel like she fit in with her fellow mates. And
the teacher now aware of her emotional state agreed to adopt a softer approach henceforth.
As
you can see, a simple feedback session made it possible for information to be
shared by all involved. This kind of feedback paves the way for appropriate
positive changes to be made. Unfortunately, due to a closed system of operation
and absence of healthy co-existence this easy solution took close to six months
to unfold.
There
is a need for families to partner with any institution that their members are
involved in and equally there is a need for all types of institutions to
consider the family as part of their establishment. Today, sit with your family
for the sole purpose of finding out where everyone is in relation to the
outside world – school, college, work, business, social groups, religious
institutions, karate class, skating club, music lessons, boy scouts, whatever! Build
their ‘pot,’ encourage open communication; you have all the tools and resources
right at your fingertips. Put these powerful forces to work in your family. After
all, the family is the integral unit in society. And when each family starts
functioning in this manner, making it a more nurturing one, it will have its
effects at large on society too.
It’s
about time we lead ourselves into the beginning of a new kind of society!
Credits: Based on the
research of famous American author and renowned family therapist, Virginia
Satir.
www.tasneemkagalwalla.com
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