Honestly; I’m a bit of a #wellness junkie…. I’m willing to
try any theory, therapy or home remedy in the hope that it would make a
difference in my life and/or act as an added tool to help make a difference in
someone else’s.
In the second slice of this five part series on Family Wellness I’d like to share this easy tried and tested tool on uplifting self-worth with the optimism that it will improve your #family #welfare quotient too.
How it works: We often find it difficult to express our #feelings, talking about how we feel, for example, guilt, shame or uselessness makes us uncomfortable. A wife would hesitate to tell her husband that she feels inadequate, depressed or worthless. A mother may dither to let her son know that she feels unwanted, unloved or unimportant. Or the eldest and most mature teenager may find it difficult to let his family know that he felt like he did not matter, that he had always felt he was no good; that he had to take what was handed to him and could not complain.
So how do you share these uncomfortable feelings with your loved ones?!
You simply talk in “pot” terms!
For example, a father might say with a big smile, “My pot is
high today,” and the rest of the family would know that he felt on top of
things, full of energy and good spirits, secure in the knowledge that he really
mattered. Or a daughter might say, “I feel low pot.” This told everyone that
she felt bruised or not particularly lovable. Pot is a plain word, in this use
almost a nonsense word. Yet, families
seem to find it easier to express themselves and understand others in “pot”
terms. So, pot is just another word you’d use to express your self-worth or
self-esteem at any given moment.
Why it works: Research by expert therapists and all the day to
day experiences of my professional and personal life, lead us to one
conclusion. The crucial factor in what happens both inside people and between
people is the picture of individual worth that each person carries around
with him – his pot. Integrity,
honesty, responsibility, compassion, love – all flow easily from the person
whose pot is high. He feels that he matters, that the world is a better place
because he is in it. Appreciating his own worth, he is ready to see and respect
the worth of others. Sure he experiences disappointments, but he treats these temporary
low-pot feelings just as they are – a crisis of the moment from which he can
emerge whole, something he can feel uncomfortable about but does not have to
hide. Other people, however, spend most of their lives in a low-pot condition.
Because they feel they have little worth, they expect to be cheated and stepped
on by others. Expecting the worst, they invite it and usually get it. To defend
themselves, they often hide behind a wall and slowly sink into a terrible state
of loneliness and isolation. It is important to understand the difference
between feeling low and low pot. Low pot essentially means that you are
experiencing undesirable feelings at the moment and are trying to behave like
those feelings do not exist. It takes a lot of trust to share low self-esteem
feelings. Not acknowledging or sharing your low pot is form of lying to
yourself and others.
Now what?! Fortunately, self-worth is not genetic or inherited.
It is learned. The family is where it is learned. And it can be unlearned and
something new can be learned in its place. Every word, facial expression,
gesture and action gives a message about ones worth.
Relax for a moment, by yourself and with the rest of your
family. Feel the state of your pot today. Is it high or low? Has something happened
to give you this feeling, or do you feel this way most of the time? Tell one
another your feelings. Compare the things that make you feel low pot or high
pot. You may find new dimensions to the people you live with and how you can
inspire and influence more high pot feelings for each other. As a result you
grow closer and stronger as a family unit.
“Feelings of worth can
flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated,
mistakes are tolerated, communication is open and rules are flexible – the kind
of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.” – Virginia Satir
So, what kind of self-worth is your family building?!
Credits: Based on the research of famous
American author and renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir.
www.tasneemkagalwalla.com
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