One person can

A quick exercise

Yesterday over a chance conversation someone asked me why I haven’t written in a while. He went on to add, that ‘regardless of anyone reading your posts or not, I always do and will. Please write.’

Hearing that at a time when life is stretched out in all directions was inspiration enough to step out and away from a super tight schedule and make the time to put this out there.

'I value your appreciation and trust that some bonds withstand the tides of time.'

So this one’s for you.

And each of you who connect with his sentiment. Or mine. As both are similarly united in thought.

If you can touch the life of just one person, it’s worth it. Grab the opportunity. This one connection measured against the vastness of the world may seem insignificant to the ambitious, yet to the person whose life you have touched, the significance can be profound. Besides through this one person you've probably had a far greater impact on way more people than you realize.

Think about it. When one person influences another, what happens?

A ripple effect. Over time this one person can actually impact generations to follow.

Here's a quick exercise for you.

Think about all the people who have impacted your life. Teachers, employees, coworkers, managers, customers, family or friends. Make a list. If too many come to mind, start with ten at a time. Let them know how they played a small or big part in influencing your life. Just sharing your experiences and insights may positively impact their current circumstances. Who knows? It may be just what they need to hear at this point of time in their life. Trust me; it's far more generous than any material gift of gratitude you can ever give.

Sooner or later you will have the same act of kindness reciprocated. Life always comes full circle. Like a boomerang. An echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get.

All it takes is one gesture. One person. One moment at a time.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know how Life Coaching works best for you.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%
20Improvement

Love is like that

3 lessons to remember in unrequited love  

 Do you have that one love which still burns silently in the darkest corners of your heart?

Did you give everything you had to someone without making sure they wanted it?

Did you struggle with that one crush that you just could not get over? A feeling that you would have done absolutely anything for them to notice you, talk to you, pay attention to you. When her smile lit up every crack and corner of your heart or when just seeing him gave you a 1000 different species of butterflies in your stomach.

It sounds romantic: To love someone with all of your heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. After all love asks for nothing in return. True that. But dealing with reality is different. Every day, every moment the pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic. The feeling of finding out you mean nothing to the person who means everything to you is devastating. Dealing with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except there is no love story that started it all. In that sense it feels more miserable pining over something you never had in the first place.

Undoubtedly infatuation, longing, and love can be agonizing when they remain un-reciprocated. However one can work towards letting go and learning through the process of healing. 

Here are 3 lessons to remember whilst doing just that.

Accept Acceptance

What you had was NOT a relationship. It was not meant to be. Accepting the reality of the situation may be the most important and biggest step you can take when dealing with unrequited love. It is important to keep in mind that someone’s lack of returned affection does not mean you are a bad person, unattractive or unworthy of love. It simply means they were/are just not interested in you in that way. It may not have anything to do with you. It could be a matter of where they are in life. 

Their circumstances, bad remnants of their history, or a sheer lack of chemistry. Who knows? Anyone who cannot recognize your worth and how awesome you are doesn’t deserve YOU. Poof! Be gone! Let go of that person and move on. However to do that, you have to accept the situation as it is — you love him/her and they don’t love you. This lesson in life stings a little. You may even shed a few (far too many) tears, but if you can take this first step you are well on the way to greener pastures.

Besides how often have you looked back on life and thanked God for having something not work out for you — only to be redirected to something better. Trust Him.

Give up the quest for closure

When you get heart broken, there’s one thing that tends to obsess you: Getting closure. How many times did you use that excuse to make that last call. The last text or email. That one more last time. Everyone agrees that one of the hardest parts of unrequited love is accepting that it is not ever going to be what you want it to be. You may keep looking for evidence that it’s over for you, but what you could be really looking for is proof that it could (still) happen.

Closure — that thing that promises to tie up your relationship in a big bow and explain it all. Does it?

Can you ever really find closure in what he or she says? Closure is a state of mind. Your state of mind. No one can give you closure.

It is the gift you must give to yourself.

Live for love in this moment

Indeed, unrequited love is still love. A little one-sided, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you felt less or that you weren’t entitled to feel what you felt. The truth is, sometimes love hurts. A lot. That’s okay though; that’s how we learn.

Know that, that was then and this is now. 

Things happen, people change. So do circumstances. Maybe you’re single or married today; regardless you have no more reason left to yearn for the idea of someone that once was. Getting over someone who didn’t love you back doesn’t only create more space in your heart for someone who does/will love you now, but also allows you to learn to love yourself enough first.

For love takes many forms. It is exquisitely elusive. Yet always present. Always here. Always there.

Love is falling head over heels. Drowning. Deep. And then; time stands still.

Love is like that.

Love is picking yourself up. Patting yourself dry. And then; time to move on.

Yes. Love is like that too.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Are you heart broken? Unable to overcome a toxic relationship? Do you wish to find true love? Contact Life Coach Tasneem Kagalwalla to know more on how relationship coaching can best help you love yourself and find your true soul mate.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

The Dawn of Love

A Poem

 

I walked on my fingers

And clicked on my toes

I started the door

And opened the engine

I revved up my soul

And hummed the accelerator

I parked my keys

And pocketed my ear

I climbed the door

And shut the stairs

I washed my clothes

And changed my face

I brushed my shoes

And took off my teeth

I pulled down my pillows

And fluffed my sheets

I blew out my bed

And climbed into the light

And all because

He kissed me goodnight.
 

 ~ Tasneem Kagalwalla ~

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

 Click here for more inspirational poetry and videos http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Inspirational%20poetry%2Fvideos

 

 

 

The shortest and most effective visualization

A romantic story

The magical effects of visualizations has been a subject close to my heart as it has proven to bring about so many positive changes and outcomes in my life. My husband being one of them. (Read all about that @ http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2015/05/how-i-attracted-my-ideal-partner-in-3.html )

For many years I have been regularly spending time with creating customized visualizations for myself and my clients as well as listening to so many other empowering ones available from contemporaries and experts in my line of work.

It has become my habit consequently to usually drift off to sleep listening to a guided visualization every night. It soothes the days stress away, calms and refreshes the mind and body thus allowing a peaceful night in. It’s a perfect addition to your bedtime routine.

One cold night after a long day I stumbled into bed ready to plug in and switch off for the night. Just when I got comfy under the sheets, having plugged in the headphones into my mobile I realized that my phone battery had died. Damn. Complete bummer. The thought of getting out of bed and getting my IPad which would well serve the same purpose was too cumbersome. I was just too comfy to make that effort. So I playfully rolled over to my husband and asked him to guide me through his version of a visualization for the night.

Now it’s important here to know a little bit about my husband. Although he has a very emotional and sensitive side to him, mostly he’s a finance guy with a practical head between his shoulders. He is more of a left brained individual, unafraid to call a spade a spade and uses logic and common sense as dependable qualities with which he leads a happy life.

Therefore when he said ok, I was totally taken aback. Very keen to know how this one is going to turn out, I closed my eyes and tried to keep an open mind. I was expecting either a rational explanation on the benefits of sleeping or a guided visualization which would have me guiding myself out of it after. However I was completely wrong and pleasantly surprised. Not only was he articulate with his choice of words and affirmations but vivid in his descriptions. I was on the silver beaches of the Caribbean that night and it was blissfully tranquil. Sweet dreams are made of these.

Over the years it became a norm and often I’d ask him to talk me off to sleep. Each time, I’d ask; “Where am I today?” eager to go on yet another soul journey. I have travelled far and wide as a result, visited several beautiful locations and known serenity through his eyes. I have felt the cool sand between my toes and have been touched by a soft breeze over a mountain top. I have walked the mesmerizing dessert dunes of Arabia and seen the lush green jungles of Africa.

Haven gotten used to these moments we spent together before bedtime, I looked forward to this quintessential question, every night; “Where am I today?”

Until last night… We got home late. It was well past midnight when we retired to bed. We were tired and I was sensing my husband was in no mood to take me through any visualization imagery. Yet, programmed to ask, rolling over into his outstretched arm, I asked; “Where am I today?”

Pulling me closer he peacefully said; “Right here with me.”

I slept like a baby.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for your own customized Guided Visualization and/or for more information on how Life Coaching works best for you.

Read more on how to master the art of visualizing @ http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2015/05/how-i-attracted-my-ideal-partner-in-3.html

For more motivational metaphors and true stories click here http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Motivational%20metaphors%2Ftrue%20stories

3 important reminders when obsessing over what you want

Expect the Un-expected

Have you ever wanted something so bad, worked hard at it relentlessly and yet not got it? Have you given unconditional love hoping so much it would be reciprocated? And it wasn’t. Have you given it all you have, from the very core of your being and still faced failure? After failure. Have you cried hot silent tears? In the bathroom. On your pillow. When bowed in prayer. Have you wailed uncontrollably when the grieving was overwhelming? Or felt a void. A gaping wound which bleeds each and every time a candid remark erodes its scarred surface. Until you fear to hope, lest it’s just an insidious hoax. Unable to hold it together you struggle with drowning in your vulnerable thoughts of helplessness.

If you answered yes to any of the above, then this one’s for you. But first, here’s a hug and a coffee. Now let’s talk.

1. Hope and Faith. They go hand in hand and yet have very different roles to play when dealing with fulfillment of desires. Hope is an expectancy of materializing things the way you envision them; faith is the fuel to that belief. Hope comes with a picture whereas faith has no shape or picture of things to be. It just keeps you safely grounded in the knowing that, it will be. The best for you will come forth.

Learn from Faith then. When you are attached to an outcome, you hope things will happen at a certain time in a certain way – it is your expectation of how things should happen that makes you think that things are not working out. Expectations color your perception of things. You don’t really see how things are unfolding when you want them to happen a certain way. This prevents you from recognizing the good that comes your way and causes you to push it away. As it just does not fit with the way you imagine it. Without preconceived ideas to limit your perception, you are able to accept what comes your way as part of the solution to realizing what you truly desire in life.

In future if you lose hope, remember to keep the faith. It will re-ignite your courage in time and allow you to bounce back. 

2. Start taking one day at a time. Live in the present. Your deepest longings forever push you to look ahead, mentally entrapping you in the future. Like a chess player you’re always thinking 8 moves out –what should I do, what if that doesn’t work out, what’s next. You create much of your own suffering by getting caught in an endless cycle of pining and attachment. You are living a conditional life; you cannot be free in the present moment. You cannot be happy with a beautiful sunset or with a moment of warmth between you and another; instead, every experience is interpreted in the context of how much better it would be in an expected future.  

Instead keep it simple. Breathe. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you want something too much, then do something else to distract yourself. Get involved in other things that are also important to you. Things that come 2^nd and 3^rd on your list of wants. What can I have right now? What can I do right now? Stay in the moment, see your decision right now as the best decision you can make in the moment. What happens next – how it turns out– doesn’t matter. Focus on right here. Right now. 

3. Detach. ‘You only lose what you cling to,’ says Buddha. Break free, let loose that which you desire the most. There’s a story about a monkey who comes across a trap in the forest. He can see a coconut inside. He’s hungry and so he puts his hand through a small hole to get at it. He grips onto the coconut, which he really wants to eat, but while he’s holding the coconut he can’t pull his hand free. If he only opened his hand again, he could escape, but clinging to what he wants keeps him trapped.  

We can only be deeply affected by loss when we are clinging on too tightly to something. Mind you, I’m not saying to stop wanting things. Just stop clinging to them. Clinging is holding on to something too tightly.  

When you find yourself obsessing about a desire, ask yourself. Why is it so important? What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get it? Would it really be the end of the world? 

For when you really think about it; have you ever lost out on something or someone only to be redirected to something better? Have new windows of opportunity opened just when you stopped knocking on the old closed doors. Are you eternally grateful to have something not work out for you as you had planned only because what you received instead was so much better?  

God is able to do above and beyond all that you can ask and even think of. Surrender; know that good things will come to you when the time and place is right. You will get what you need, just may not be the exact way you want it. In that sense, expect the unexpected. 

And Thank God for that. For He knows best. 

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to seek support and overcome personal and professional blocks and barriers.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

After happily ever after…

3 ways to achieve your ‘happy family’ goals

Some time back in June 2015 I dragged my husband for a Bollywood film, ‘Dil Dhadakne Do.’ (Let your heart beat) He’s not much of a movie buff whereas the 70 mm screen n I are best friends. It was a glamorous movie about a wealthy family on a voyage of self-discovery. The movie deals with the importance of marital + family bonds and how relationships suffer when communication takes a back seat. The film revolves round the classy elite and the universally common challenges and problems they face.

Unfulfilled relationships, troubled marriages, self-image and esteem issues result in fractured families which progressively soil the collar of a household. They go about doing their job, looking clean and pristine for everyone on the outside but when you turn it over, the dirt and grime are just sitting there eating into the weave of the domestic fabric.Many personal hardships and hurdles later, one or more of the family members decide to do something about it. This typically is when a Life Coach (ahem! ahem!) would be asked to enter the story line.

Thank you. Having made my two cents worth of a sales pitch let’s move on.

There are three central characters in the film who play a small and/or big part in giving this family its breakthrough moment. That aha moment of realization. When what you stand to gain (peace of mind, love, trust, support, loyalty, happiness, reliability, honesty, etc.) is far greater than what you stand to lose (ego, pride, bitterness, reputation/image, societal acceptance, approval, etc.)

This is where most movies end… the perfect happy ending.

However here is only where the reel ends. The real work begins then. (Aka; pichar abhi baki hain mere dost.)

Fixing a damaged husband and wife relationship takes much effort from both parties, to say the least. Dealing with divorce and renewing your identity and individuality is often times a hard upward climb. Washing out your dirty laundry is a process. Much like when you switch on the washing machine; you now need to go through the cycle.

This is when you need the most help. To stay grounded. Stay committed. Stay motivated. Stay with it till you achieve what you’ve set out to overcome.

Here then are three ways to achieve your happy family outcomes. These will give you a positive head start in the right direction.

Let go.

Most important. Get everything out on the table. All your feelings, hurt, pain, sadness, frustration, anger… whatever it may be. The good, the bad, the ugly. Speak your truth and then forever let it go. Start your ‘let’s fix this’ journey on a clean slate. If you continue to harbor negative feelings towards each other you won’t get far before all that you’ve shoved under the carpet will resurface at the next slightest hiccup you may face.

Ask for forgiveness. Repeatedly if required. Thereafter always remember that you are all different individuals; regret/repentance may not come to you in the exact package you desire. That doesn’t mean they don’t mean it. Have a heart. Let off. Your conscience is a good judge to decipher if your partner/family member is making a genuine effort.

Forgive the past. Remember the lessons though.

Communicate.

How can I stress this enough?! C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E. Does this help?

Talk to each other. Really listen to what the other has to say. Make time to spend time together. There may be setbacks; stick with it. Give time time. Pay attention. Give attention. Share your worries. Appreciate your triumphs. Hug each other when you agree and disagree.

Communication (verbal and non-verbal) within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admire one another.

Set short term goals.

Not all of us can see the big picture from Day 1. It just seems too far away. Unattainable from such a distance.

Instead go as far as you can see; when you get there you will see further.

Therefore set short term goals. One week, a fortnight or one month… what will you do differently in this period of time to see the results you desire?

A good way to do this is to imagine your ideal relationship on a scale of 1–10 with 10 being the most ideal. Where are you at now? Say 2? Together decide on a number which best describes your current status. Now ask one another what we can do for each other over the next one month to move from 2 to 3. Get creative here. Based on the problem you wish to overcome come up with interesting and innovative things to do for and with each other. For example a family that has had no time for each other could decide to eat one meal a day together (without cell phones or TV) or a couple that has lost their spark could surprise each other with something special be it cuddling in with a movie, a hand written love letter or a romantic dinner.

You know best what makes you and your significant other happy in your relationship/family. If you don’t; communicate. Ask. Constantly endeavor to keep the relationship alive.

Eventually on the way home from the film my husband asked, “So what happens after the happily ever after?”

With a gleeful smile I replied; “That’s a surprise. Wait till we get home. You’ll love it.”

www.tasneemkagalwala.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla on how Family/Relationship Coaching and Couples Therapy works best for you.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

5 steps to let go of guilt

Do you feel GUILT?

Guilt. Rarely does one small word have such a deep impact on our psyche.

Different people feel guilty for different things based on their values. Some feel guilt over not always being there for their children, partner or parents, saying “no” at work or when taking time out for themselves. There is guilt over past affairs, breaking someone’s heart or handling a situation unfairly. Having an abortion/ miscarriage or having to go back to work leaving your new born at home also leave many of us feeling guilty.

The reasons are varied for which we all carry our own crosses. God will never forgive me, some say. The Universe hates me, others believe. And life goes on until this guilt becomes a tainted part of our existence.

So what is guilt?

Guilt unfortunately is frequently viewed as a virtue, as a high sense of responsibility and morality. To feel guilty is seen as a sign of good character. The truth, however, is that guilt is the greatest destroyer of emotional energy. It leaves you feeling hopeless in the present and regretful in future by something that has already occurred in the past.

Regretful. That’s another important word in this context. What do you mean by regret?

Regret is a negative mental/emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made. A life that stems out of guilt and regret, often has not much to look forward to. It’s so empty.

Does that mean one should live a guilt free, regretless life without any conscience? No. Understand this. Human beings need to have a conscience. According to the dictionary a conscience is “the sense of right or wrong within the individual.” Without a conscience we would have no qualm about hurting one another, interpersonal relationships of any kind would be extinct and the world would be less safe.

In fact, excessive guilt is one of the biggest destroyers of self-worth, self-confidence and the ability to imagine positive outcomes for yourself. Beating yourself up repeatedly about a previous wrongdoing only serves as a punishment; a kind of self-decaying life sentence which you have decided to give to yourself.

Reflecting on past behavior and learning from it is enlightening. When your conscience tells you that you have done something wrong, it is important to face it, make amends and learn from your mistake. Staying consumed with guilt, however, will keep you from moving forward in a positive and productive way. With determination to resolve and absolve however, many have learned how to avoid taking off on a demeaning guilt trip.

Stay out of this bottomless pit by implementing the following steps:

·         Review the action or event over which you feel guilt. 

 

·         Was the action appropriate or acceptable under the circumstances? 

·         If so, decide to let go of the situation and refuse to think about it further. Go for a walk, call a friend or become absorbed in something enjoyable. Do anything but rethink the situation.  

·         If your action was inappropriate, is there something you can do to correct it or to make amends? Now take this step and realize you have done all you can to rectify the situation.

 

If your action was inappropriate and there is nothing you can do to make amends now, then repent. There is a big difference between regret and repent. Repentance; if properly understood is a change of mind--a change of intention from doing that which made you feel ‘guilty’ to not wanting to do it again--that results in a change of action. It involves the decision to make a change of behavior and/or attitude about something. Repentance encourages a heartfelt desire to change. 

·         What have you learned from this experience that will be helpful in the future?

Remember that the past cannot be changed, no matter how you feel about it. Victimizing yourself with excessive guilt will neither alter the past nor make you a better person. By applying the above steps though, you will begin to heal and be a better person as a result.

In the end, know that; God is great. So merciful. The Universe; a pure reflection of your spirit. The question then is not if God and the Universe have forgiven you. The question is; Have you?

 www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla on how Time Line Therapy™ and Hypnotherapy helps you to overcome guilt and other limiting beliefs or negative emotions.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

5 ways to master visualizations

Unleashing the power of your subconscious

 

Visualization or visualisation (see spelling differences) is any technique for creating images, diagrams, or animations to communicate a message. Visualization through visual imagery has been an effective way to communicate both abstract and concrete ideas since the dawn of man. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visualization_(computer_graphics )

In a recent article I had stressed the importance of visualizations in achieving your goals and preferred outcomes. I had quite a few people inquire about its effectiveness and ‘how to do it’ process.

Listed below are five ways on how to practice and master visualizations. Approach it with an open minded willingness to surrender to the process for 10-15 (or more) minutes every day. Supplement this with a positive mind set and attitude.

These examples have been written keeping an ‘ideal relationship/partner’ goal in mind. Replicate the same steps with any well aligned morally viable wish of yours that you would like to manifest in your reality. Be it an ideal job, career, wealth, family, children, etc.

• When visualizing your dreams, involve all your senses

Touch, sound, sight, even smell and taste. What does your partner look like, smell like, sound like, how is it to touch him her/him. Involve your emotions, feel what you feel, hear what you hear and notice what you notice. Visualize wholeheartedly what you want; see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blue print and begin to build on it.

• Take on different perspectives

See yourself accomplishing your goals beginning with your own 1^st person lens, then 2^nd and 3^rd person, be your partner, be a family member who would be happy for you, be a friend and look upon yourself living your dream.

• Begin to live as if you have succeeded in your goal

Begin to dress, talk, and look like the person you want to be…. Like the one who has found his/er love interest and is truly happy.

• Use self-talk and AFFIRMATIONS together with your visualizations

Talk to yourself, be your own best friend, use hopeful, encouraging language. Avoid self-talk which is negative or derogatory in nature. Such as, ‘I always attract losers’ or ‘why would someone like him/er fall for someone like me’? Instead say that which you would like to hear, about you as if you are already living your perfect relationship.

• Put together a vision board

This can be physical on a cork-board, posted on your desk or wall, or compiled on your computer. Use words that describe the person that you desire to attract, pictures of any couple that represents your ‘happily ever after’. In short invent your Mr/s Right from your power of intention. Get as detailed as possible. Remember, the little details increase the likelihood of the big picture.

As for its effectiveness; I can vouch for it. And so will you if you believe my story (http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/2015/05/how-i-attracted-my-ideal-partner-in-3.html ) and/or the limitless power of your subconscious.

Go ahead; I dare you to visualize a world in which your most treasured dreams have become true.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know more on how GuidedVisualizations can help you realize your goals and dreams.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

 

How I attracted my ideal partner – In 3 steps

Here's my story

 

So I get these questions all the time from clients. How do I attract my soul mate? How do I know if s/he is the one? How can I improve the chances of meeting my Mr/s Right? 

 

The answer is simple. Ascertain your relationship history. Elicit your values. Clear out any limiting beliefs and identify your deep love strategy, release any negative emotions around past experiences, test, and future pace. Set smart goals into your Time Line. Finish with a Hypnotic Induction and Voila! There you are; you have your Prince/ess Charming knocking at your door and into your life.  

I know…That’s a whole lot of coaching jargon. I also know that these and many other relationship coaching techniques bring about astoundingly successful results. However; not all of us have the same resources at our disposal. That does not mean that your relationship status shall never change. As is said; there are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states. Snap out of your ‘I’m so lonely, no one loves me’ state. Get rid of the ‘I don’t want another bad relationship’ saga. What if; you had within your power, ways in which to jump start your love and romance journey into the right direction? Can you imagine the possibility of being able to attract your ideal partner into your life?  

Here’s my story in 3 steps.

Step 1: I visualized and used affirmations  

Visualizations are simply mental rehearsals. What you focus on, you attract. Therefore make it a habit to focus daily on what you want. Create images in your mind of being in an ideal relationship. Repeat these images over and over again. I suggest you practice this technique for 10-15 minutes each day. In your practice, you use your imagination to see yourself meeting the best man/woman, having a healthy relationship, getting married—whatever the goal is that you wish to manifest. The key to remember is to always visualize as if you already have the relationship you want. This is a mental trick. You don’t hope you’ll achieve it, or build confidence that someday it will happen. No, with visualizing you “live and feel it” as if it is happening to you now. On one level this may just be a mental trick, but here is an important truth to understand. The subconscious mind cannot distinguish between what is real and what is imagined. Your subconscious will act upon the images you create within, regardless of whether those images reflect your current reality or not.   

Affirmations on the other hand are you being in conscious control of your thoughts. They are short, powerful statements phrased in the present tense. When you say them or think them or even hear them, they become the thoughts that create your reality. Here’s an excerpt from the affirmation I had created. “My husband is loving and loyal, good looking and humorous, ambitious and trustworthy, functions out of integrity and has common values as mine. At home and with each other we continue to find endless peace of mind, security and an insatiable desire to spend our time and lives together forever.” I visualized this along with every other little detail that I could get my mind to imagine, from what he’d say to me when we first met, how he’d propose, how our relationship would unfold. I printed and pasted this inside my closet and stuck a copy of it on the mirror where I brush my teeth, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. So every time I woke up, got dressed and went to bed, consciously and subconsciously it was in my head. 

Tip: Repeat your affirmations every morning and night for a month and they will become an automatic part of your thinking... woven into the very fabric of your being.  

Step 2: I let go of attachments 

Often we get attached to our ideologies and expect that events should unfold without having to create too many or any shifts at all in our current pattern of existence. We get attached to jobs, places, things, friends and family. So much so that even if even if Cupid himself was on his/er knees right in front of you, you wouldn’t notice. After all, this doesn’t fit into your current cycle of life. Being with this individual could mean having to leave behind all that you’re familiar with and walk into the unknown. The fear of uncertainty and getting out of your existing comfort zone is often far too daunting a task. So we continue to blame the Universe/God for not bringing forth that which we desire. And hence many prospective alliances go unnoticed or un-persevered because they did not conform to our ‘has to be like this’ mindset. 

I urge you to keep an open mind. Change is the only constant of life. Chance it. All things said, if it feels right, take the risk.  

I did.  

Step 3: I gave it my best

Real relationships take effort, time and commitment. A happy relationship doesn’t just happen because two people love each other very much, great relationships happen because not only do two people love each other very much, they also value one another and are willing to make an investment of time and energy into building a happy relationship – day after day. Everyday. The early stages (after you pass the delirium of infatuation) is where the real work begins. That work is about committed listening, letting go of control, practicing vulnerability, overcoming resistance to change, being honest, even in the face of fear, and focusing on your own self rather than trying to change your partner. Like mastering any other new skill, it takes a lot to hang in there and muddle through the demanding times. The effort required is sometimes great and the challenge can be overwhelming, so much so that many conclude that it’s not worth it or that they don’t have the stamina and perseverance to work forever at this level. The truth is that some degree of effort is inevitable in most relationships. However once both partners figure out their happy equation of coexistence and synergy, the pressure eases off. Effort comes about more naturally, more easily. 

If you’re the kind to run a 100 meters dash in the opposite direction at the very onset of any kind of disagreement or misunderstanding, I encourage you to act differently. Stick it out. Sort it out. Try. Give it your best. Will you?

 

Yes, I said then. It has been magical ever since.

 

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

 

Tasneem Kagalwalla specializes in relationship/family coaching and couples therapy.

Click here for more articles on self improvement

http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

     

 

 

 

5 questions to assess your success

Success re-framed

Success means different things at various phases of our lives. To many, success is monetary wealth, achieving financial independence and prosperity. In truth though, learning to walk after repeatedly falling is success to a kid. Growing up, passing exams is success. Your first job, first relationship is a successful start. Positive life choices, being respected by peers and colleagues alike is a sign of success. Later, getting married, starting a family, making that marriage work, devoting time and attention to the family/kids in those crucial years; all denote success.

What this implies then is that success is a relative term. It is forever evolving. Changing as our lives grow and transform.

Financial prosperity alone does not necessarily mean one is successful. If anything it means that one is just wealthy but one's successful life is not complete. On the other hand, it is possible to have a successful life without being wealthy. 

Recently I posted a quote bearing the same title - Success re-framed. Maya Angelou beautifully defined success as liking yourself, liking what you do and how you do it. (https://www.facebook.com/PersonalSoulutions/)

This compelled me to bring to your attention the fact that the quote is written in the present tense. Liking yourself for what you are today, what you do now and how you do it in this moment.

When I relocated to the Unites States in 2012 it was overwhelming. I felt inadequate without the job and friends I was used to. Previously life was action packed, I had just been promoted and was looking forward to the added responsibilities that came with the perks. Here in the US though, life was different. I got busy with setting up home, getting to know new people and places, launching my life coaching and training company and so much more…yet for a while I didn't see that as ‘success.’

Until one day, an acquaintance casually mentioned, you've done so much in a span of a year, it’s commendable. You should be very proud of yourself. 

There in that moment I realized that unconsciously I had recreated success. Yet consciously I was caught up chasing success as I knew it; only liking what I was, what I did and how I did it.

And if by any chance any of you are caught up in that same bubble, here are 5 questions which will help burst the unwanted illusion and gracefully carry you to the wonderful reality of your existence, encouraging you to realign your parameters of success and reinvent yourself, right here, right now.

1. What are your priorities at present?
2. What is the successful outcome you desire today?
3. What’s stopping you?
4. What can you do more of?
5. How would you know that you've achieved your outcome? What would you see, hear, feel or notice?           

For eventually what is success? Success is a constantly evolving process, not a fixed place.

Do enjoy the process.

What does success mean to you? Do you wish to be more successful? Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla for more information on how Life Coaching works best to realize and achieve your personal or professional goals.

Click here for more articles on self improvement: http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com