3 lessons to remember in unrequited love
Do you have that one
love which still burns silently in the darkest corners of your heart?
Did you give everything you had to someone without making
sure they wanted it?
Did you struggle with that one crush that you just could not
get over? A feeling that you would have done absolutely anything for them
to notice you, talk to you, pay attention to you. When her smile lit up
every crack and corner of your heart or when just seeing him gave you a 1000
different species of butterflies in your stomach.
It sounds romantic: To love someone with all of your
heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. After all love
asks for nothing in return. True that. But dealing with reality is
different. Every day, every moment the pain of loving someone who doesn’t
feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It
certainly doesn’t feel romantic. The feeling of finding out you mean
nothing to the person who means everything to you is devastating. Dealing
with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except
there is no love story that started it all. In that sense it feels more
miserable pining over something you never had in the first place.
Undoubtedly infatuation, longing, and love can be agonizing when
they remain un-reciprocated. However one can work towards letting go
and learning through the process of healing.
Here are 3 lessons to remember
whilst doing just that.
Accept Acceptance
What you had was NOT a relationship. It was not meant
to be. Accepting the reality of the situation may be the most important
and biggest step you can take when dealing with unrequited love. It is
important to keep in mind that someone’s lack of returned
affection does not mean you are a bad person, unattractive or unworthy of love. It
simply means they were/are just not interested in you in that way. It may
not have anything to do with you. It could be a matter of where they are in
life.
Their circumstances, bad remnants of their history, or a
sheer lack of chemistry. Who knows? Anyone who cannot recognize your worth
and how awesome you are doesn’t deserve YOU. Poof! Be gone! Let go of
that person and move on. However to do that, you have to accept the
situation as it is — you love him/her and they don’t love you. This lesson
in life stings a little. You may even shed a few (far
too many) tears, but if you can take this first step you are well on the way to greener
pastures.
Besides how often have you looked back on life and thanked
God for having something not work out for you — only to be redirected to
something better. Trust Him.
Give up the quest for closure
When you get heart broken, there’s one thing that tends to
obsess you: Getting closure. How many times did you use that excuse
to make that last call. The last text or email. That one more last time. Everyone
agrees that one of the hardest parts of unrequited love is accepting that
it is not ever going to be what you want it to be. You may keep looking
for evidence that it’s over for you, but what you could be really looking for
is proof that it could (still) happen.
Closure — that thing that promises to tie up your
relationship in a big bow and explain it all. Does it?
Can you ever really find
closure in what he or she says? Closure is a state of mind. Your state of
mind. No one can give you closure.
It is the gift you must give to yourself.
Live for love in this moment
Indeed, unrequited love is still love. A little
one-sided, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you felt less or that you weren’t entitled to
feel what you felt. The truth is, sometimes love hurts. A lot. That’s okay
though; that’s how we learn.
Know that, that was then and this is now.
Things
happen, people change. So do circumstances. Maybe you’re single
or married today; regardless you have no more reason left to yearn for the idea
of someone that once was. Getting over someone who didn’t love you back
doesn’t only create more space in your heart for someone who does/will love you
now, but also allows you to learn to love yourself enough first.
For love takes many forms. It is exquisitely elusive.
Yet always present. Always here. Always there.
Love is falling head over heels. Drowning. Deep. And then;
time stands still.
Love is like that.
Love is picking yourself up. Patting yourself dry. And then;
time to move on.
Yes. Love is like that too.
Do you have that one
love which still burns silently in the darkest corners of your heart?
Did you give everything you had to someone without making
sure they wanted it?
Did you struggle with that one crush that you just could not
get over? A feeling that you would have done absolutely anything for them
to notice you, talk to you, pay attention to you. When her smile lit up
every crack and corner of your heart or when just seeing him gave you a 1000
different species of butterflies in your stomach.
It sounds romantic: To love someone with all of your
heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. After all love
asks for nothing in return. True that. But dealing with reality is
different. Every day, every moment the pain of loving someone who doesn’t
feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It
certainly doesn’t feel romantic. The feeling of finding out you mean
nothing to the person who means everything to you is devastating. Dealing
with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except
there is no love story that started it all. In that sense it feels more
miserable pining over something you never had in the first place.
Undoubtedly infatuation, longing, and love can be agonizing when
they remain un-reciprocated. However one can work towards letting go
and learning through the process of healing.
Here are 3 lessons to remember
whilst doing just that.
Accept Acceptance
What you had was NOT a relationship. It was not meant
to be. Accepting the reality of the situation may be the most important
and biggest step you can take when dealing with unrequited love. It is
important to keep in mind that someone’s lack of returned
affection does not mean you are a bad person, unattractive or unworthy of love. It
simply means they were/are just not interested in you in that way. It may
not have anything to do with you. It could be a matter of where they are in
life.
Their circumstances, bad remnants of their history, or a
sheer lack of chemistry. Who knows? Anyone who cannot recognize your worth
and how awesome you are doesn’t deserve YOU. Poof! Be gone! Let go of
that person and move on. However to do that, you have to accept the
situation as it is — you love him/her and they don’t love you. This lesson
in life stings a little. You may even shed a few (far
too many) tears, but if you can take this first step you are well on the way to greener
pastures.
Besides how often have you looked back on life and thanked
God for having something not work out for you — only to be redirected to
something better. Trust Him.
Give up the quest for closure
When you get heart broken, there’s one thing that tends to
obsess you: Getting closure. How many times did you use that excuse
to make that last call. The last text or email. That one more last time. Everyone
agrees that one of the hardest parts of unrequited love is accepting that
it is not ever going to be what you want it to be. You may keep looking
for evidence that it’s over for you, but what you could be really looking for
is proof that it could (still) happen.
Closure — that thing that promises to tie up your
relationship in a big bow and explain it all. Does it?
Can you ever really find
closure in what he or she says? Closure is a state of mind. Your state of
mind. No one can give you closure.
It is the gift you must give to yourself.
Live for love in this moment
Indeed, unrequited love is still love. A little
one-sided, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you felt less or that you weren’t entitled to
feel what you felt. The truth is, sometimes love hurts. A lot. That’s okay
though; that’s how we learn.
Know that, that was then and this is now.
Things
happen, people change. So do circumstances. Maybe you’re single
or married today; regardless you have no more reason left to yearn for the idea
of someone that once was. Getting over someone who didn’t love you back
doesn’t only create more space in your heart for someone who does/will love you
now, but also allows you to learn to love yourself enough first.
For love takes many forms. It is exquisitely elusive.
Yet always present. Always here. Always there.
Love is falling head over heels. Drowning. Deep. And then;
time stands still.
Love is like that.
Love is picking yourself up. Patting yourself dry. And then;
time to move on.
Are you heart broken? Unable to overcome a toxic relationship? Do you wish to find true love? Contact Life Coach Tasneem Kagalwalla to know more on how relationship coaching can best help you love yourself and find your true soul mate.
Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement
Very nice post. And very true too.
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