Pay attention.

An honest confession

Pay attention.

Extend some admiration. Maybe genuine validation.

For attention is often a four letter word.

It is a cry for L-O-V-E

Pay attention.

Not your apprehension. Show some consideration.

For attention is often a four letter word.

It is a cry for L-O-V-E

Pay attention.

Offer your appreciation. Perhaps some compassion.

For attention is often a four letter word.

It is a cry for L-O-V-E

Pay attention.

Underneath the words. After the drama.

For attention is often a four letter word.

It is a cry for L-O-V-E

Pay attention.

Beyond your perception. Until there’s realization.

That attention is often a four letter word.

It is a cry for L-O-V-E

Pay attention.

~Tasneem Kagalwalla~

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla - Life Coach specializing in relationship coaching and couples therapy

 Click here for more inspirational poetry and videos http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Inspirational%20poetry%2Fvideos

3 reasons why people NOT liking you is also a good thing.

“You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.”

 

I believe I am a pretty congenial person. Largely adventurous, I wouldn’t think twice before jumping off a plane or a building. I’ve done both. My friends can vouch for it. I have unshakable faith in God and all that I stand for and believe in. Family and friends mean the world to me and I try my best to never let either down. I mostly go out of my way to help people. Growing up, I always struggled with the quintessential word – NO. Barely ended by using it and therefore ended up being used often. I tried to please too many people - too many times, in too many ways. Over the years, I have gotten better at it even though professionally I am now fine-tuned to extend empathy, understanding and hope, by default. Which makes drawing the line, a pretty fine one when by instinct extending a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on, comes far more easily to me than minding my own business. I offer my point of view when required but I shy away from arguments. You see, conflict just cannot survive without my participation. Other than that, like most others, I am - work in progress. I still make mistakes, I still find it hard to control my tears when hurt or angry and my occasional outbursts usually mean a cold silence.

You’d think that makes a pretty likeable person. Wouldn’t you not? And I’m pretty sure you’re equally wonderful inside out, if not more. Yet you will have people who don’t see you in that light. People who you did nothing to offend but still feel a ‘disconnect’ with you. People who speculate or fabricate. In short people who don’t like you.

Maybe you relate to the above, maybe you don’t. But the odds are, we all have that small/big desire to be well-liked. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted, respected and appreciated?

 

I’ve since learned it’s actually a good sign if there are some people who don’t accept or agree with you. I’m not suggesting we be rude, inconsiderate or disrespectful. This post isn’t about disregarding people’s feelings. It is about releasing our stress and expectations about other people’s opinions.

 

Here then are 3 reasons why people not liking you is a good thing.

 

It allows you to be true to yourself.

 

The biggest disservice you can do yourself is pretend to be someone else. Own your life, your views and your circumstances. It’s exhausting to always fit in. Having to agree when you’re screaming to disagree from within, is so pointless. No one will get to know who you really are, which will leave you without a real identity of your own.

 

Stop worrying about everyone’s perceptions. Walk your own path. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyways. Let your words be kind but fearless.

 

It frees up so much of your time.

 

If you want to be liked by everyone, most likely you’re spreading yourself way too thin trying to keep them all happy. Don’t you think too much time and energy goes into that?! Having to constantly explain yourself to people is draining. It can lead to over analyzing your behavior. And we all know how over thinking can ruin you. It causes you so much angst and worry.

 

Keep your circle positive. The people around you should motivate and inspire you. Your circle should be empowering, well rounded and supportive. Keep it tight. Quality over quantity always. In that way all that precious time and energy can be used wisely to enrich yourself and others further.

 

It can help you be a better person.

 

Pick your most favorite FB or Twitter user and look at their comments section. More often than not they have their fair share of harsh comments. As you grow personally or professionally, the more attention you’ll receive, both positive and negative. A willingness to be disliked helps you deal with it. When criticism is framed constructively, we can improve, learn and grow.

 

There still will always be people who disagree with you or who dislike your ideas and actions. Remember that the road to success invites a lot of critics so the sooner you know what to take on board and what to let go, the better it gets.

 

There is a peace of mind that comes with that kind of acceptance and surrender.

 

So... you and I…. I’d really want us to like each other. It’s not like I don’t care. Honestly. Cross my heart. Life’s too short to stand apart with differences. It’s always better when we’re together. But if for some reason you don’t. I understand. I’m sure you have your whys and wherefores. Your own point of view. I respect it.

You carry on and be the amazing you and I will continue to be the awesome me. Let’s commit to being our best. I’m positive we will reconnect somewhere - sometime down the line.

And that’s pretty darn fine too.

 

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Do you constantly worry about pleasing people? Do you try very hard for everybody to like you? Are you struggling with saying no? Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know how Life Coaching can help you be true to yourself and embrace life for just who you are.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%
20Improvement

 

On love and all that...

A poem

 

 

Love is many things…

It can be childlike. Etched on walls. Iconic.

It can be unreal. A fantasy in your head. Private.

Love is many things…

It can be loud. In your face. Overwhelming.

It can be quiet. In the shadows. Clandestine.

Love is many things…

It can hit you at first sight. Butterflies inside. Unforgettable.

It can come for just a night. Wrapped in passion. Intense.

Love is many things…

It can be conniving. Manipulating emotions. Crafty.

It can be forgiving. Too many times. Unconditional.

Love is many things…

It can be a mistake. Full of lessons. Empowering.

It can be a memory. Not meant to be. Star-crossed.

Love is many things…

It can be late. Find you when you’re not looking. About time!

It can be forever. The whole nine yards. For real.

Love is many things…

But not a favor.

Expect nothing in return.

 

~ Tasneem Kagalwalla ~

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

 

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla - Life Coach specializing in relationship coaching and couples therapy

 Click here for more inspirational poetry and videos http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Inspirational%20poetry%2Fvideos

 

 

3 lessons I learned from my past

When looking back is a good thing…

The New Year has been rather eventful with so many twists and turns. Life somehow never fails to surprise, with its curve balls of chances, choices and change.

Over the past two months a business trip took me visiting many old addresses. Flashbacks of years gone by; people and places left behind in the race of life and living. I walked through some corners of my heart that I had squared off and some footsteps which when retraced unleashed much nostalgia. Though I preach and practice dreaming forward – just for these few snatched moments I succumbed to dreaming backwards, lying vulnerable in a labyrinth of memories.

It did leave me feeling rather exposed and reflective. Yet what came forth as a result was enlightening. What was that, you might ask?

This - 3 lessons I learned from my past.

Don’t shut out your past. If it has resurfaced; understand why.

Hmmm.  Aren’t you curious about those moments when something or someone from your past reappears in your present as if you have stepped into a time machine?  Like an instant portal into that era, there you are swirling in memories of that group of colleagues that you shared every bit of your life with back then, or that old romance, those special girlfriends that you bared your soul with – opening floodgates of remembrances.

Now I believe that everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences in life. If things and people have stepped into the present, they’re here to show you something about yourself in the here and now. So you might wonder, is it the right time for me to resolve something, think differently, change some beliefs or offer a helping hand? Why not treat these windows into your past as an opportunity to remember who you were and appreciate what you are now? Give yourself some credit for the path you have walked and the milestones you’ve achieved along the way.  

 

Then step one layer down to ask, “Is there something from this period of my life that I need to let go of?” “Is there something from this period of my life that I need to hold on to?” If the answer is maybe or yes, then write a word that represents that thought. Is it about who you were then, what you learned, is it a characteristic you need to lose or an abandoned self-belief that you need to find again and carry into the present. Treat the past as a teacher. Simply ask the memories that sift up from your past, “Why are you here now?” and then keenly listen.  

 

You are the ultimate artist of your bigger picture. Design your life by using these precious stones of the past to springboard you into the future you desire. 

You don’t need to fix the past every time in order to have a future:

Whilst in the above process of understanding your past you may as a result come across a quality, a certain mind set or a habit which you’re still struggling to imbibe or abstain from. Unresolved, it (re)appears posing as ‘problems’ in your personality.

At such times; we tend to believe that the responsible, necessary, or adult-like thing to do would be to hold the problem tightly until we fix it. Professionally I must admit, I often recommend to examine it, analyze it, talk about it and focus on it with a whole lot of emotion and energy until you deal with it.

However in hindsight, sometimes that creates more suffering. Of course, there’s a lot to be said for understanding ourselves and our experiences in a new way and taking action where action is needed. Those are absolutely necessary. But keeping our “problem” under a constant microscope, trying to use our intellect to solve it as if it’s a crossword puzzle, is not the only way to freedom.

Sometimes the best chance for change comes from letting go of everything you thought you knew, letting those loose ends remain just that; loose and undone. Instead focus on the present. Be open to fresh, new insights and ideas. Don’t carry around the box of your past; leave it there. As an alternative, address your issue in the now. Start thinking anew.

Don’t think inside the box. Think outside. No box required.

Remember; you can’t make old friends; you either have them or you don’t.

Most importantly along your journey, there would be some people who watched you rise and shine out into your own. Some of these celebrated your victories with you and a few other quiet ones silently rejoiced from the shadows. Oblivious, you lived your life up until you met them again. After decades. Maybe more. And it didn’t matter. It was just like old times. No questions asked, no judgments passed. These hearts still carry a torch for you. Cherish those souls. The ones which have stood the test of time and distance. Give them a permanent spot in your life and keep them close. These special ones are for keeps.

I’ve discovered that staying connected with old friends can make you happier here and now.

Look at me; I’m grinning from ear to ear.

 www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Are you struggling with your past? Do you wish to learn how to let go of your problems? Are you unable to overcome old memories from your past and be more content in the present? Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know how Personal Coaching can help you embrace yourself in the present whilst creating the compelling future you desire.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%
20Improvement

One person can

A quick exercise

Yesterday over a chance conversation someone asked me why I haven’t written in a while. He went on to add, that ‘regardless of anyone reading your posts or not, I always do and will. Please write.’

Hearing that at a time when life is stretched out in all directions was inspiration enough to step out and away from a super tight schedule and make the time to put this out there.

'I value your appreciation and trust that some bonds withstand the tides of time.'

So this one’s for you.

And each of you who connect with his sentiment. Or mine. As both are similarly united in thought.

If you can touch the life of just one person, it’s worth it. Grab the opportunity. This one connection measured against the vastness of the world may seem insignificant to the ambitious, yet to the person whose life you have touched, the significance can be profound. Besides through this one person you've probably had a far greater impact on way more people than you realize.

Think about it. When one person influences another, what happens?

A ripple effect. Over time this one person can actually impact generations to follow.

Here's a quick exercise for you.

Think about all the people who have impacted your life. Teachers, employees, coworkers, managers, customers, family or friends. Make a list. If too many come to mind, start with ten at a time. Let them know how they played a small or big part in influencing your life. Just sharing your experiences and insights may positively impact their current circumstances. Who knows? It may be just what they need to hear at this point of time in their life. Trust me; it's far more generous than any material gift of gratitude you can ever give.

Sooner or later you will have the same act of kindness reciprocated. Life always comes full circle. Like a boomerang. An echo. What you send out, comes back. What you sow, you reap. What you give, you get.

All it takes is one gesture. One person. One moment at a time.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Contact Tasneem Kagalwalla to know how Life Coaching works best for you.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%
20Improvement

Love is like that

3 lessons to remember in unrequited love  

 Do you have that one love which still burns silently in the darkest corners of your heart?

Did you give everything you had to someone without making sure they wanted it?

Did you struggle with that one crush that you just could not get over? A feeling that you would have done absolutely anything for them to notice you, talk to you, pay attention to you. When her smile lit up every crack and corner of your heart or when just seeing him gave you a 1000 different species of butterflies in your stomach.

It sounds romantic: To love someone with all of your heart and soul, whether or not they love you back. After all love asks for nothing in return. True that. But dealing with reality is different. Every day, every moment the pain of loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can be almost unbearable. It certainly doesn’t feel romantic. The feeling of finding out you mean nothing to the person who means everything to you is devastating. Dealing with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except there is no love story that started it all. In that sense it feels more miserable pining over something you never had in the first place.

Undoubtedly infatuation, longing, and love can be agonizing when they remain un-reciprocated. However one can work towards letting go and learning through the process of healing. 

Here are 3 lessons to remember whilst doing just that.

Accept Acceptance

What you had was NOT a relationship. It was not meant to be. Accepting the reality of the situation may be the most important and biggest step you can take when dealing with unrequited love. It is important to keep in mind that someone’s lack of returned affection does not mean you are a bad person, unattractive or unworthy of love. It simply means they were/are just not interested in you in that way. It may not have anything to do with you. It could be a matter of where they are in life. 

Their circumstances, bad remnants of their history, or a sheer lack of chemistry. Who knows? Anyone who cannot recognize your worth and how awesome you are doesn’t deserve YOU. Poof! Be gone! Let go of that person and move on. However to do that, you have to accept the situation as it is — you love him/her and they don’t love you. This lesson in life stings a little. You may even shed a few (far too many) tears, but if you can take this first step you are well on the way to greener pastures.

Besides how often have you looked back on life and thanked God for having something not work out for you — only to be redirected to something better. Trust Him.

Give up the quest for closure

When you get heart broken, there’s one thing that tends to obsess you: Getting closure. How many times did you use that excuse to make that last call. The last text or email. That one more last time. Everyone agrees that one of the hardest parts of unrequited love is accepting that it is not ever going to be what you want it to be. You may keep looking for evidence that it’s over for you, but what you could be really looking for is proof that it could (still) happen.

Closure — that thing that promises to tie up your relationship in a big bow and explain it all. Does it?

Can you ever really find closure in what he or she says? Closure is a state of mind. Your state of mind. No one can give you closure.

It is the gift you must give to yourself.

Live for love in this moment

Indeed, unrequited love is still love. A little one-sided, maybe, but that doesn’t mean you felt less or that you weren’t entitled to feel what you felt. The truth is, sometimes love hurts. A lot. That’s okay though; that’s how we learn.

Know that, that was then and this is now. 

Things happen, people change. So do circumstances. Maybe you’re single or married today; regardless you have no more reason left to yearn for the idea of someone that once was. Getting over someone who didn’t love you back doesn’t only create more space in your heart for someone who does/will love you now, but also allows you to learn to love yourself enough first.

For love takes many forms. It is exquisitely elusive. Yet always present. Always here. Always there.

Love is falling head over heels. Drowning. Deep. And then; time stands still.

Love is like that.

Love is picking yourself up. Patting yourself dry. And then; time to move on.

Yes. Love is like that too.

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

Are you heart broken? Unable to overcome a toxic relationship? Do you wish to find true love? Contact Life Coach Tasneem Kagalwalla to know more on how relationship coaching can best help you love yourself and find your true soul mate.

Click here for more articles on self-improvement http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Self%20Improvement

The Dawn of Love

A Poem

 

I walked on my fingers

And clicked on my toes

I started the door

And opened the engine

I revved up my soul

And hummed the accelerator

I parked my keys

And pocketed my ear

I climbed the door

And shut the stairs

I washed my clothes

And changed my face

I brushed my shoes

And took off my teeth

I pulled down my pillows

And fluffed my sheets

I blew out my bed

And climbed into the light

And all because

He kissed me goodnight.
 

 ~ Tasneem Kagalwalla ~

www.tasneemkagalwalla.com

 Click here for more inspirational poetry and videos http://tasneemkagalwalla.blogspot.com/search/label/Inspirational%20poetry%2Fvideos